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mum of one, nearly 40 and think i'm gay

(12 Posts)
textfan Fri 22-Apr-11 22:25:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester Sat 23-Apr-11 22:48:04

Hi textfan, wow what a lot going on for you at the moment. What next is to take a deep breath: you've got loads of time, so try to relax and not worry about everything all at once.

I came out at 19, which is way easier than coming out at 40, simply because at 19 you're doing all those things that allow you to meet loads of new people, experiment with new relationships, shift your self-definition etc. But loads and loads of women come out later in life, so you really won't be unusual within the lesbian community.

I think the two big temptations in your position are to start going to lesbian clubs and trying to get into a relationship as quickly as possible. I would caution you against this. By all means go to nightclubs if you like them, but I suggest you look for other kinds of activities, where you can meet lesbians in a more relaxed atmosphere, without loud throbbing music and sexual tension. There are loads of lesbian groups - you can find out what's in your area by ringing Lesbian and Gay Switchboard, or going to the Gingerbeer website, or reading Diva magazine.

As for starting a relationship: go ahead, by all means, but even better would be to start developing some friendships with gay women. You sound isolated and you need a support network: that sounds like a priority to me.

I'm sympathetic to how it feels to be nearly 40 and gaining weight (though I'm a few years older than you grin) but if it makes you feel better, you should know that lesbians of my generation are generally much more relaxed about positive about a range of body types than either men of our age or younger women. Life has a lot to offer a middle-aged lesbian mother, I promise you! But take it easy and above all take care of yourself.

pollyblue Wed 27-Apr-11 23:54:45

hi textfan,
just wanted to send some support and echo hester's advice - take it slowly. Why do you not want your ex to find out?
My circs are different to yours, although we're the same age. I'm married, to a man who knows I consider myself gay, he's always known about my past and that he's a bit of a one-off grin. I guess our relationship is a bit unusual but it works for us. So I'm lucky in that I have support there, although most of my friends don't know and i don't have much of a gay friends network type thing, which i would like.
Be proud of who you are.

drivingmisscrazy Thu 28-Apr-11 20:43:10

I think hester has given great advice; how old is your child? is the worry regarding ex related to your child? I think take it slowly, be as discreet as you feel you need to be. You will know when you are ready to be more open. I wish you the very best, and hope that you find happiness

textfan Wed 04-May-11 23:48:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pixie100 Thu 05-May-11 09:42:11

Hi there.
I came out having my first gay relationship at 36.having been straight before....

Good luck & I agree with the above advice as to taking things slowly.

Good web sites are;

Also good place if yr in London is :

London Friend ;

textfan Tue 10-May-11 21:59:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pixie100 Wed 18-May-11 19:58:26

i think there is a lot going on for you & speaking to someone at london friend or from one of the other sites is probably the best place. I dont have kids yet so can't give any advice/help on that - just that if you are happy, your kids are more likely to be happy too smile.

good luck with everything x


CornishKittyKat Sun 22-May-11 21:55:14

Hi, not sure I'm in the right place but here goes, I'm 28 and have two boys (aged 3 and 4) by an ex partner (man), up until recently I have always been in relationships with men although I have always been attracted to women also.
I have been in a relationship with a women since march, her family know and have been very supportive she is openly gay, my children get on with her fantastically and her family have welcomed me and my children into their home, My family do not know and I'm really worried about telling them, they don't know that I have been attracted to women in the past.
Its hard not being able to talk about my new partner to my family, and worrying in case the children mention her, but she makes me really happy.

pixie100 Mon 23-May-11 22:42:13

good places for advice are;

Also good place if yr in London is :

London Friend ;

Good luck.

CornishKittyKat Thu 02-Jun-11 14:15:24

Thanks for the pointers, I live in cornwall so its a little on the slow side when it comes to acceptance!

pixie100 Fri 10-Jun-11 10:33:07

I don't know anything about coming out in cornwall.but there is plenty of advice/chat/forums etc... on-line.
I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy & yr kids get on with.good luck with everything.

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