My gay/ non binary child.

[Gingaaarghpussy]

My child is 15. They came out as gay when they were 15. I have absolutely no problem with this. Earlier this year they decided they were non binary. Again I have no problem with this. Originally they were male.
I obviously slip up and they remind me very time and I apologise because that's what you do.
My problem now is that we are now debating emojis of all things. Generally stuff like this is water off a ducks back, but lately covid has fucked with my already fluffy mh.
I have, this evening, self harmed, because our discussion over WhatsApp got too much.
How do I support their beliefs etc without feeling the pressure/guilt to get it right? They have issues of their own so I cant just tell them to stop. If I did nobody would know how they are feeling. How do I sort this without breaking their trust?

[Italiangreyhound]

Gingaaarghpussy I am really sorry this sounds very tough.

My advice for you would be firstly to try really hard to avoid discussions which will lead to conflict, unless it really is worth sticking your neck out for. I do know how very hard this is. My child is 16 and went through a phase of really arguing with me a lot. Asking questions that (I think) they knew would lead to an argument. It took me a long time to decide to sit back and just listen to them talk. I didn't agree or disagree. I often 'pretended' not to know all about what they were talking about.

Certainly, I wouldn't waste energy on anything that wasn't really important. But it took me ages to develop this.

Secondly, I would say if you are self harming, for any reason at all, you need to get some help. Speak to your GP and ask for some help. That's my advice.

If your child wants to get some help you can explore this, ask them if they feel able to talk to someone about it. They may or may not feel ready yet.

I hope you will find a way forward.

[Italiangreyhound]

There is some very good advice on some recent threads on here.

[saynotofondant]

I’m sorry to hear what you’re both going through.

Here are some tips from the Bayswater Support Group. They’re more relevant for parents of children identifying as the opposite sex rather than ‘just’ non-binary, but there is some useful stuff there regardless. And they might help you feel less alone.

www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/toptentips