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Teen suicide

(3 Posts)
notamum124 Wed 10-Jul-19 01:36:26

I'm not a mum, but did not know where else to turn to for advice.

A while back one of my friends came out as gay to me, and I didn't really care, I treated it as though it was so insignificant and didn't matter to me when now i realise how much it meant to him. I thought I was being a good friend, by not making a big deal of it. A bit later, I had gay feelings, and when I told him about them he told me I was gay, which was pretty obvious in hindsight. Back then, I reacted really badly, said some horrible homophobic things, spread a rumour about him, and treated him like **. I apologised, but you can never really get past the way I treated him for telling me the truth. More recently, I know he was doing badly, after he tried to come out to his parents and they were ***y about it. I know I should have reached out and I didn't. And now he's passed. I wish it was me. I think most people reading this do too. And they're right. I was a ***y person, and I can never wash his blood from my hands. I killed him. I don't know what to do

NewMumSept2014 Wed 10-Jul-19 21:21:42

I’m not sure what I can say as have no personal experiences of any of the things you have been through. You say in your post “teen suicide”. How old are you OP? It really sounds like you need some help with coping with this. It’s so hard to know what was going on in your friends mind, you obviously behaved in a way that you regret but that doesn’t mean you killed him or that you’re a bad person. We all have regrets. Please talk to someone about this or get help?
Sending hugs.

Italiangreyhound Wed 10-Jul-19 22:33:55

Please, OP talk to the Samaritans.

www.samaritans.org/

It is not your fault your friend died, you may have said and done some unhelpful things but we all do at times.

I think that maybe the best thing you can do now, is to live your life to the very best of your ability. To help others in need of friendship and support. To use these tragic and sad experiences to make the very best of your life.

You did not kill your friend. You failed to support him but you may be able to support others. Please be kind to yourself. thanks

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