Teenage son came out, via text.

(5 Posts)
Welshie21 Wed 01-May-19 12:59:19

As the title says really. My son text me from school to tell me he’s bisexual. Of course, I played it cool (not) and asked if someone had nicked his phone! I’m such an idiot. As a parent you do get an inkling that your child might be interested in the same sex. So I’m not shocked, just don’t know how to navigate through these unknown areas of life.
How do I support him? Advise him going forward?
His sexuality makes absolutely no difference to me at all. He’s still my talented, intelligent, kind, loving, sensible boy. I love him and wouldn’t treat him any differently no matter what. But I just don’t know what to say to him when he finishes school later. I said that we can’t have this conversation by text and we will talk later, I just want to see where he’s at. What prompted him to blurt it now and most importantly, how he’s feeling about everything. He’s had issues in the past with kids in his school calling him names, following him home, threatening him and one girl even attacked him because a group of them decided he was gay, I just worry that this revelation will encourage the bullying again. I think you can see why I’m worried about it, given previous experiences.

So, without me rambling on, making no sense and risking coming off as a total insensitive idiot (I’m so bad with words), I’d like to hear how other parents handled (if that’s the right word) their child coming out, how did your conversations go?
I’m probably over thinking this, we have a good relationship and I’m sure he will look back on my initial reply and laugh. But I basically don’t know how to have this conversation. His dad is way more relaxed about it. He just said “well it makes no difference to me and if anyone doesn’t like it, they know where they can off” and that’s that.
Thank you for reading my babble. Hope it made some sense.

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Alwayssaythewrongthing Thu 02-May-19 00:12:49

This is basically how my 13 year old son told me he was gay last week, texting me from his bedroom. I just told him i love him and was proud of him for telling me. I asked if any of his friends knew, everyone at school knows as he has started going out with a boy in his year, so this was why he wanted to tell me. Apart from that he’s not really wanted to talk any more about it (he’s never been one for deep conversations lol) so I’ve just been trying to back off and stop asking him if he’s ok all the time grin it’s so hard not to worry though.
How was your son when he got home from school? I’m sure from what you’ve said on here that you will have handled it fine. It is a concern about the bullying though angry and I hope it doesn’t start up again - did the school help at all the last time?

There’s a lot of lgbt support groups online that can help, I actually called one the other night for some advice (son had an issue with someone at a club he goes to) and it was just good to talk to someone who could understand how I was feeling, so that might help you aswell.

WhoEatsPopTarts Thu 02-May-19 00:17:54

My response was similar to your DH’s it’s a non issue to me, to my dc’s friends, teachers, siblings there’s not really anything to handle.

AlexaShutUp Thu 02-May-19 00:39:38

I hate the fact that kids have to "come out" at all. Straight people don't "come out" as straight. One day, I hope we'll get to a position where nobody feels that they have to announce their sexuality. They should just be free to introduce their boyfriend/girlfriend when appropriate, and/or talk about whoever they happen to like at a particular moment in time.

We're not there yet, though, so tell your ds that you love him, that you're glad he told you and reassure him that it makes no difference to you and that you're there for him regardless. Perhaps ask him what prompted him to tell you now, in case there is anything specific he wants to discuss. Find out who else he has told. Maybe ask him whether there is anything that you can do to support him.

I wouldn't insist it's all done in a face to face conversation, if it's easier for him to say stuff by text. I'd be inclined to follow his lead but make it clear that you're comfortable talking about it in whatever way suits him best.

Welshie21 Thu 02-May-19 09:44:03

I feel the same way about coming out too AlexaShutUp, I think it shouldn’t have to be a big deal, it wasn’t when I got a boyfriend, so why should it if my son came home and said he had a boyfriend? Although, if that’s what my son felt he wanted to do, then I support that. I was just unnecessarily worrying about all sorts of daft things, along with worrying I was being insensitive. I suppose a text is just the modern way of leaving your parents a note in the laundry basket.
We talk about anything and everything in my house, I’m quite open and have always been honest with my kids when they’ve asked me things, or wanted to share their views on something. No topic is off the table. They know that and talk quite freely, so I’m sure if he had any concerns he would talk about them off his own back.
I didn’t get to have any further conversation with him about it all in the end, he came home really upset because he and his friends had all fallen out over something completely unrelated. All of his friends are girls, and they can be so dramatic at times. I did ask him if he was ok and wanted to talk about his text, but he was too upset over this big argument they all had.
The school were brilliant when he was subjected to bullying from the kids in his school, they were on it straight away. He was made fun of because he likes doing his female friends hair, because he’s in stage school and prefers singing/acting on stage to “proper boy things” as those kids put it. Which is just awful, he’s actually really good and his bravery to perform in front of people astounds me, he does make me so proud. He’s gone from a pretty introverted, anxious child, to a happier confident lad. He says he finally found somewhere outside the house he feels he belongs. So to be picked on for it makes me want to punch those teenagers in his school!
I know the school will be on it if it were to happen again, but I don’t want it to happen again. It shouldn’t be happening in this day and age. If any of those kids bothered to get to know him, they’d find that he’s actually a pretty awesome lad.
Thank you all for your replies anyway. It’s good to know there are places people can go to sound off. I only posted because I wanted to get it right, I will be there for him and support him, I don’t know, I’m just being a typical panicky mum. I will ask him what prompted him and see if he has anything specific he wants to talk about. Thanks again all.

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