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7 year old son says he wants to be a girl

(6 Posts)
Ashjon1010 Fri 15-Mar-19 20:53:10

I am looking for advice please. Our son who is 7 told a teacher today that he wants to be a girl and has even picked his name.
This has come out of the blue. He has never shown much interest in girls clothes or toys, he likes to show off his muscles and has always been a typical energetic boy.
He is always happy, he is kind and smart and we tell him everyday how amazing he is and how handsome and how proud we are of him. We spend lots of time talking as a family and he normally tells us everything but today he told his teacher that not only does he want to be a girl, but also that he has felt this way so long that he cant remember a time he hasnt felt like it and that he hates his face and never looks in the mirror because he hates his face and his body.....he is always looking in the mirror, he is a poser and he is so gorgeous! To hear our amazing boy say he hates his face has ripped my heart out. We have no idea what to do. It feels like we have a son who is our world but it hurts that has kept his feelings about this bottled up.
He did say that the girls in his class get treated better than the boys and don't get pushed around by the boys like he does. His teacher says he is really popular with all the students and he comes home happy everyday with tales of all the people he has played with and the fun he has had.
Please give us some advice because neither his father or myself know what to do or what to say.
We have told him that we love him no matter what happens and that there is nothing he could do or say that would make us love him less. What else can we do? Thank you and sorry for the long post.

Surfskatefamily Fri 15-Mar-19 21:03:21

Personally i would suggest he likes the way the girls are treated and has said this as he wants to be treated that way. I cant imagine a 7 year old really understanding the concept of wanting to be another sex.

Maybe hes heard or watched something on youtube that has put these words in his mind?

Try not to worry about it, and continue being loving parents. he might forget tomorrow and want something else.

Lottapianos Fri 15-Mar-19 21:08:04

'He did say that the girls in his class get treated better than the boys and don't get pushed around by the boys like he does'

He sounds like a sensitive, gentle little boy who doesn't like rougher behaviour among some of the boys. He's talking about how he wants to be treated, and articulating it as a desire to 'be a girl '. He can't change sex - you know that. I would ask him why he thinks being a girl would be better and then reassure him he can do all those things too. I would also want to find out gently where he heard the idea of boys 'becoming girls' or vice versa

IM0GEN Fri 15-Mar-19 21:14:49

I understand why you are upset and very concerned. However I think it’s very unlikely that he has felt like this forever and simply not told you. Like a PP, I expect it’s a reaction to something that has happened fairly recently at school.

Some adults and children hold ridiculous views about what girls and boys should be like. Perhaps he wants to play with girls but has been told he can’t or that’s wrong in some way. Maybe he likes dressing up or playing families or ponies and thinks he has to be a girl to do that. You’d be amazed that the crazy things that some people say to children!

Maybe he thinks he has to like football or fighting. Reassure him that many boys and men don’t like things and lots of girls and women do.

Reassure him that his face and body are just perfect the way they are . That he can wear what he wants , play with how he wants and do what he wants, just the way he is. He doesn’t need to change at all.

Explain kindly that he can’t become a girl anymore that he can become a cat. But that he can be any kind of boy he wants.

MadAboutWands Fri 15-Mar-19 21:22:23

Yep I wouod talk to him and ask him what he would like to do if he was a girl that he can’t as a boy.
I wouod also want to investigate the apparence issue. In particular, saying he hates looking at himself in front of the mirror and hates his appearances is the opposite to showing his muscles etc...
Basically, how much did he actually say and how much is what the teacher heard (that will be trained to be mindful about trans children etc etc).
And how much is it about being self conscious.

Take it easy. Don’t make assumption either way but just support him in what he enjoys. Remembering you dint have to be a girl to enjoy little poney or pink. Or be kind and gentle. Or play with girls. You can do all that and be a boy too.
I wouod also look at his elf esteem just in case.
But tbh I wouod suspect more an over enthusiastic teacher who decided to interpret what she/he was told in a certain way rather than a real indentity issue. Nit at this stage anyway.

HelenCBelcher Mon 25-Mar-19 00:04:19

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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