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son's first boyfriend has just broken up with him - what can I do to help?

(11 Posts)
TrainSong Sun 17-Feb-19 18:45:30

Not sure this is an LGBT issue as such, but prefer to post here. DS has just come downstairs in tears as his boyfriend broke up with him. Been together six months. Both 16. DS nearly 17 in yr12 and boyfriend in Yr11.
He's just so sad, doesn't want dinner, just lying on sofa crying. I feel so so sorry for him. What can I do to cheer him up? Would love advice form anyone who's been in this situation. It's a long time since I was a teenager and I don't remember my parents being involved.

AFistfulofDolores1 Sun 17-Feb-19 18:52:55

I'm not really one for advocating "cheering someone up". Sit with him; be there for him; let him know he can talk to you; hug him. Please don't cheer him up.

TrainSong Sun 17-Feb-19 18:54:08

Fistful, I know what you mean. I didn;t try to cheer him up as such. I just gave him a big hug, tucked a blanket ove rhim, told him he didn't have to have dinner, brough thim a box of tissues and gave him another hug.

AFistfulofDolores1 Sun 17-Feb-19 19:01:47

Sounds absolutely perfect. Breaking up hurts - and it is hideous seeing our kids hurt. I think it's a gift to be able to let them see that we can bear their pain with them.

It sounds like he's got a really great mum smile

TrainSong Sun 17-Feb-19 19:29:26

Thank you. I just wish it didn't hurt him so much.

Courchevel Sun 17-Feb-19 19:32:39

You sound like a wonderful mum. When hes up to it Offer to take him to his favourite place? Cinema, restaurant? I know keeping busy helped me through break ups

user1471453601 Sun 17-Feb-19 19:41:05

I'm the mother of a gay "child" ( she's nearly 50 now). I remember her first breakup. It was traumatic for all of us but it passed. This will pass for your son, though I don't advise you tell him that. Lots of love and affection might help. It did for mr, many moons ago, when I broke up with my first boyfriend.

First love is always traumatic. The only advice I would give is, don't say bad stuff about his boyfriend. You don't know if they will get back together again

TrainSong Sun 17-Feb-19 21:58:38

Thank you for your replies. I think I'm worrying because it's half term, but I'm away most of the week looking after my parents, so I won't be around to cheer him up and take his mind off it. I hope he feels up to going out with friends.

KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse Sun 17-Feb-19 22:02:46

I went through this with dd last month. Also 17 and also with her gf for 7 months.

I do think it feels a bit different when it's a same sex relationship because we're in a small town and there just aren't that many other gay teens her age.

No solutions other than a cuddle, a massive bar of chocolate and remembering this too shall pass.

We had a good chat about some of my more cringy break ups. That got her giggling.

Hugs to your ds cakeflowers

TrainSong Sun 17-Feb-19 23:05:17

Kick I like the idea of talking about some of my or DH's cringy break ups. That might make him laugh. Though he's actually brightened up a bit. I love-bombed him with a plate of mini puddings and gave him a new snuggly bathrobe that I'd bought for his birthday. He did some music practise and chatted to a couple of friends who I think probably helped most to bring him out of the worst of it. We're having a day ut tomorrow anyway then I'm away all week, so I hope DH looks after him OK. DH doesn;t really handle emotional things very well, if at all.

Hf12 Mon 19-Aug-19 15:57:21

Hi I found out accidentally that my son is bisexual .I was cleaning his room and found letters addressed to me .I thought it was a play as he writes them .Hes 15 .I spoke to him about it very gently of course .He said in the letter he had been talking to a boy same age but different city .I just dont know where to go with this , he has exams coming up and we have discussed this is important time for him .I want to support him and be there for him but how do I .Do I let him come to our home which he asked if he can .I have said possibly but there would be boundaries in place ...just dont know how to manage this ....please help ?

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