Mum won't accept my same sex relationship; advice needed(10 Posts)
I've been in a same sex relationship for almost 2 years. My sister has a boyfriend who is welcomed home at christmas etc. Mine is not, and completely ignored when spoken about.
I may mention that I'm going to his graduation and she will just say "yes". I will mention that he's doing this or that and she will ignore. I will mention that I'm going away somewhere with him and she has gone as far to say that she isn't interested. I even went to wear a shirt he bought but then she took a dislike after learning where it came from.
What do I do? She is a well educated professional.
Being young (20), I still live at home during university holidays. I've told her that if she doesn't start becoming more accepting then I will move out. To which she says "Don't be silly" " stop being silly' "I'm not being like that"
Is there someone, an aunt or uncle perhaps, who could talk to your mum about it on your behalf? Sorry you have a shit mum
Damn that sounds horrible. Are there any more accepting family members you can stay with during those times?
How was she when you came out? Or have you ever managed to have a face to face chat about your sexuality? What would she say if you asked her to sit down and talk about it in a non confrontational way-
“mum, I’m feeling really quite hurt and confused by you not talking to me about Ben. I’m wondering if we could have a chat so I can understand what’s going on for you here?”
She may be a well-educated professional, but she is homophobic. No need for confrontation, no need to try to get her to accept your partner. Find your own family, a close set of supportive friends - forget your mother. Limit your contact with her and live somewhere else during uni holidays.
Instead of trying to figure it out, ''sit with it'' as they say. Let the feelings of discomfort and awkwardness wash over you and do not try to find a solution. Just understand and acknowledge that your choice is not your mother's. Accept that feeling.
It may not sound like much but every time you ''sit with the discomfort'' instead of racing to appease her or attempt to win her approval, it gets easier.
So sorry to hear your mum is treating you like that. Does your sister live with you too? Could she be an ally? Or could you her and your two partners go out together for nights out, meals etc - I know it’s not the same as your mum but at least some family would be involved. How does your partners family find it ?
Have you sat down and had a talk about how her behaviour makes you feel? There is a very good bbc show called growing up gay that my ex made, it is very good at presenting how the average gay man feels, if you could persuade her to watch it with you it may help her understand you/what you have been through better.
This may sound odd, but does she actually get what being gay means? Lots of people see it as shagging any male with a pulse, hard drug abuse etc, when for the majority of gay men that isn’t the reality.
Mine is also shit, sadly that meant being disowned by her, for me having no contact with her is better than seeing her and knowing she hates who I am.
Tell her you will never be straight and she'll have to get used to it. You are an adult and it's time for her to accept who you are and stop being passive aggressive.
I'm sorry for you and sorry your mum is being so silly.
In your shoes I would preserver, I would say how it makes you feel when she ignores your situation.
Is she religious?
If she is a TV watcher you may like the Australia series of this.
It is very sad to see the families who struggle to accept their child's partner. The UK series is not so good, IMHO. It is sad and moving and may be a wake up call. (If this sounds like a bad idea, don't do it!)
I really wish you well.
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