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My son came out this past weekend

(12 Posts)
NameChangedForThis3 Wed 13-Jun-18 13:34:27

Hello,
I've nc for this (obvs!) "just in case".

My 16yo DS came out to me on Sunday. I had no idea whatsoever! If I had had to guess I would have said asexual, he doesn't seem interested in anyone at all!

He asked if he could go hang out with friends - completely unusual but exciting because he hardly ever goes out.

He said they were going shopping in our local larger town and his friends parents were driving. Whatever, unlike him to go shopping but meh.

When he got home he got me by myself and said he had something to tell me and if he didn't tell me now he didn't think he ever could. He said he hadn't been honest about where he'd been and he'd actually been to the Pride Parade in our local town. He showed me a rainbow ring and a rainbow necklace he had bought and told me "I'm gay" and then he apologized and said he understood if I didn't like him anymore. sad.

I was so caught off guard because I had absolutely no idea. I just said I only wanted him to be happy and it doesn't matter to me, and then I gave him a big hug. I had no idea what to say.

I then repeated that I only wanted him to be happy but also to please be careful and look after himself. He said he knows, and he will.

Then we had awkward silence and he left.

I told his Dad then (his Dad was in the house at the time but he obviously only wanted to tell me himself). His Dad went to talk to him and just repeated that we only wanted him to be happy and we were glad he told us and it's best to be true to yourself.

I hope we handled it OK. It hasn't been mentioned since other than I said he probably shouldn't wear his rainbow ring to school (Catholic High School) and he agreed. And then I panicked and thought he thought I was ashamed of him. I'm not, but I don't want him to get hassled.

He has Aspergers, I already thought he was probably not having the best time at school.

Argh. I don't know what I'm asking or saying.

Could anyone advise? I hope we've handled things ok.

He absolutely never tells us anything so I'm so proud that he found that courage.

Mishappening Wed 13-Jun-18 13:37:40

He clearly trusts you - you should pat yourself on the back that he felt able to tell you; and that your response was thoughtful and loving. Thankfully he lives in an age when his sexual orientation should not present a problem to him. And he knows he has your support and love. He is a lucky lad and well done you.

Vitalogy Wed 13-Jun-18 13:41:25

You did good OP.

NameChangedForThis3 Wed 13-Jun-18 19:33:24

Thank you for your comments.

Mishappening, I really hope you are right that this will not be a problem for him in his life. He is already the child that I worry about the most, aside from the Aspergers he also has a learning disability and anxiety and depression, life is already difficult for him!

I feel even more anxious for him than usual and super-protective!

amyddss Wed 13-Jun-18 19:37:34

I think you handled it great. As long as he knows you only want him to be happy which you've told him then don't worry. It's tricky to know how to deal with these things and I don't think you need to try and watch everything you say, you won't offend him. He knows you love him clearly! Well done x

LynetteScavo Wed 13-Jun-18 19:47:09

I think you handled it well.

But can I just say whine my DC aren't allowed to wear rings to school, Gay Pride badges are totally accepted. It's a Catholic school.

Happysbno4 Mon 25-Jun-18 13:20:52

This happened to me this weekend...
He's 14. I said the same things but I'm full of anxiety over it.

NameChangedForThis3 Thu 05-Jul-18 12:38:27

Happy, I was very anxious as well for the first little bit. I've calmed down now and everything has settled back into our normal routine. I'm sure things will settle for you also.

CactusFriends Thu 05-Jul-18 12:44:35

I came out to my mum as lesbian when I was 15 (I'm now 23) and she said the right things, that she supported me etc but still kept saying things like 'when you get older and get a husband' or 'when your husband does this....' and it really bothered me because it seemed that she knew me better than I knew me! I had to 're-come out' at 20 to tell her I now had a girlfriend and all was okay.
I don't think she meant any harm from it, it was just thoughtlessness on her behalf.
Just advising that I found that very hurtful when I was younger so try not to do it with your son! I wish you all the best OP - I understand how it's a tough time for you xxx

PaulMorel Thu 02-Aug-18 04:11:03

You handled it great. Please support him in his journey.

Zommum Thu 02-Aug-18 04:19:31

It sounds like you handled it very well. I'm sure over time it will get easier to talk about with him

Redrhum Fri 28-Sep-18 22:50:49

My son came out this week. Your final sentance in your op sums up how I feel.

Ie. “ I feel more anxious for him than usual and super protective”,

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