Hello
Allow me to preface this thread with some preliminary information:
My name is Jessica
I am not currently a mother
I am a trans woman
I am university educated
I have not started hormones
I am also pansexual (Ask me about sexuality too)
I first came out at age 14
I live in the UK
With that out of the way, the reason I decided to join mumsnet and create this thread is to try and put to rest some of the fairly startling things I've read here about being transgender, and provide a credible real trans source for you to connect with.
To begin, I want to talk about the idea of "too young" because I'll be quite honest, in the current climate this is something I struggle to find a reasonable conclusion for too. My personal opinion is that if a child exhibits signs of being genderqueer before the age of 13 or 14 it is your responsibility to guide your child through these feelings where ever they lead, because once puberty starts if your child really is trans it can have an extremely damaging effect. This is particularly true for trans women, testosterone warps your body in ways that oestrogen cannot easily fix and allowing this process to take place will only aid in dysphoria.
That being said I am not a child behavioural psychologist, I don't know when is a reasonable time for a child to make this decision of their own free will but I do believe from my own experience that if a child is truly dysphoric they will let you know and if this is at a young age please don't ignore them. It is your job as a parent to explain the idea of dysphoria so that your child can elaborate on these feelings if they occur, and if they want to pursue hormones help them.
My point here is that the earlier it can be caught the less damage is done, in the case of a trans person who feels dysphoria and wants hormones.
Secondly I want to talk about the process of coming out, and your reaction as a parent. The number one thing a child is looking for when they come out to you is acceptance and support, and its more than likely theyll be happy to answer your questions about how they feel to the best of their ability if you just sit down and hash it out with them. They may be going through a very confusing time and you should be there for them. Take an active interest, read up on sources from real trans people, learn what your child wants from their transition and help them. Offer therapy sessions with credible counsellors for your child, it is far easier to explain your thought processes to a stranger.
Finally I'd like to very briefly address stigma and the GRA to an extent. I've seen some bizarre reactions on this website to a child coming out as trans and as someone who's been through it as a teen and has come out of the other side ready to start hormones and living their life as a woman I just want to say it's not scary. I'm not the boogeywoman. I go for coffee, I have barbecues with my friends, I enjoy a good dog. If this is something your child chooses to share with you it's something to be celebrated, not feared. They have searched their soul and come to the conclusion that this is what will make them happy and at the end of the day we're only here for so long, why stop them from living them on their own terms. In regards to the GRA I don't want to start an argument with TERFs, this thread is for the benefit of parents with queer children and is not in the feminist section, but I want to point out that I as a trans woman am terrified of going into woman's changing rooms in New Look or wherever because of the stigma I may receive, but I do so as a woman. The big burly man people seem to envision claiming to be a woman just to sneak a peak simply doesn't exist. Talks about changes to the GRA start this summer and I implore you, work together with trans people on this because that spectre of the big burly man is the enemy of progress here, not me trying on a skirt.
I doubt I've been as eloquent as I hoped to be here, and if any other trans people come across this thread please feel free to correct me on any bullshit but for now, ask me any questions you have and I'll answer them as an honest trans woman.
NB: my thoughts on transitioning at a younger age should be taken with a grain of salt as I myself don't have peer reviewed sources to back my opinions up, but I'll do my best to answer questions. The long and short of it is if your child is firm in their belief take them to therapy.
This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.
LGBT children
I Am Transgender - Ask Me Anything
Craicken · 20/05/2018 19:58
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.