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Do you think you'd know if you were gay or not at 12?

(31 Posts)
MrsAdamsWhite Sun 03-Dec-17 13:41:37

Just having a conversation with DD1 (12) smile

CrmbleBee Sun 03-Dec-17 15:51:00

I've read that crushes on both genders are normal at that age and don't mean anything in particular, but some people say they knew much earlier than that.

Floralnomad Sun 03-Dec-17 15:52:21

My ds did , and so did we although he didn’t actually tell us officially until he was 17 .

rcit Sun 03-Dec-17 15:53:50

Maybe, maybe not.

calamityjam Sun 03-Dec-17 15:56:17

All my gay friends and family have said that they knew way before 12.

ReinettePompadour Sun 03-Dec-17 16:01:15

Some of DDs friends identify as lesbian and theyre 12/13 yrs old. However I didn't identify as bi until I was 16/17. Maybe being bi is more difficult because of the idea that being attractive to all sexes during your teenage years is normal development.

PlausibleSuit Sun 03-Dec-17 16:09:50

I knew I was gay when I was well under 10. 7, 8 maybe. I didn't have a word for it, and obviously it wasn't the same kinds of feelings I started to have when I was a teenager, but I did have this strong sense that the whole male/female partnership thing just felt... wrong, for me, somehow. I remember thinking how nice it would be if I could marry He-Man.

It's really hard to explain now but I know that I knew then. For sure. No confusion.

MrsAdamsWhite Sun 03-Dec-17 16:10:13


I guess when puberty starts. 8 seems a bit young to know though.

BarbarianMum Wed 06-Dec-17 22:25:35

Well I could have told you I was heterosexual at age 5 (well i couldn't have articulated it but i knew). I couldn't say that every gay person knows at 5, but I bet some do.

Apileofballyhoo Wed 06-Dec-17 22:28:20

I 'liked' boys (I'm straight) from the time I was 5 - I had a crush on a boy in my class. So I'd say it's perfectly possible to know your gay from a similar age.

Apileofballyhoo Wed 06-Dec-17 22:28:34


GingerbreadMa Wed 06-Dec-17 22:31:00


I did WORRY because I didnt know whether I would be or not. But I didnt know.

I had only had about 3 crushes in total by then. All boys.

Codlet Wed 06-Dec-17 22:32:36

I think you could know you were gay (and be correct) by the time you are 12, but also could think you are gay (and later decide otherwise) at that age. Because it’s a time in your life of such hormonal and mental upheaval.

NannyR Wed 06-Dec-17 22:33:17

Looking back, it was obvious I was gay at 12 or 13 but I don't think I actually knew it or could put a label on my feelings at that age.

Showergel1 Wed 06-Dec-17 22:34:59

I didn't know until 13/14. I fancied several boys at 12.
I went back to fancying boys at 22 but already met ny wife by then! She fancies some boys too.

gillybeanz Wed 06-Dec-17 22:44:49

I don't think it's necessarily related to puberty,
I started periods at age 9, but believed I was a lesbian when I was 12
It was a girly crush quite common to girls at that age, I consider myself straight, but not averse to crushes on women, I've had sex with a woman and enjoyed it, so maybe I'm bi - sexual, if I had to label.

I'm not suggesting that others who thought they were lesbians at 12 weren't as well though. We can only speak for ourselves, imo.

FlakeBook Mon 18-Dec-17 14:03:13

I knew at 11 or 12 (well before I started periods).

LauraMipsum Mon 18-Dec-17 14:16:53

I didn't know at 12. I knew that I didn't fancy boys but I didn't fancy anyone else either. I had huge crushes on the sixth form girls and a couple of female teachers but I didn't connect that with being gay, I thought I was just immature.

Glumglowworm Sun 24-Dec-17 20:37:41

I didn’t know, although looking back i definitely was!

I think 20 years ago there was less awareness of lgbt stuff though

Kenworthington Sun 24-Dec-17 20:46:33

Ds1 (now 19) came out as gay when he was 12. He said he’d been pondering on it for a year to make sure grin we on the other hand had ‘known’ since he was tiny. FYI yes he’s ‘still’ gay and is living with his boyfriend smile

Fishfingersandwichnocheese Sun 24-Dec-17 20:47:12

I don’t think everyone does/would.

I don’t ever remember wing confused about it - I'm straight.

But I know a few people that either thought they were bi and don’t realise they were gay until much later.One of my friends has only just come out at nearly 30 and really only accepted she was gay rather than bi shortly before coming out.

Greenshoots1 Sun 24-Dec-17 20:47:42

A lot of people are gay at 12, but straight later.

RestingGrinchFace Sun 24-Dec-17 21:00:21

No. Sexual orientation is just an educated guess until you've had a bit of experience.

OMGtwins Sun 24-Dec-17 21:10:17

I knew at 13, in the early 90s. Prob much easier to know now as there's much more by way of an example in the media. Back then there was nothing, I didn't even know what gay people were really until then, and when I knew, I knew I was one.

MollyHuaCha Sun 24-Dec-17 21:18:20

I was first attracted to boys at age 9. I had a pretty sheltered childhood and didn't realize that being attracted to anyone else was even an option.

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