Gay Son?

[Al183]

This morning I saw my son’s phone downstairs while he was asleep upstairs. It isn’t something I would usually do but I decided to have a look as I have concerns about his recent behaviour and the phone was unusually unlocked. He had also been out for a walk to ‘get some fresh air’ last night around 9:30pm which I though was out of the ordinary.
What I found on his phone were text messages from several different boys/men making arrangements to meet up. It looks as though he hadn’t gone through with meeting most of them but there was one male that he had met up with and seemed keen to meet again. It was clear from the messages that my son was wanting to meet up with these men to have gay sex for the first time.
This understandably has made me very concerned for his safety as I am worried he doesn’t know the people he is arranging to meet and possibly lose his virginity to. He is still very young and vulnerable and it troubles me greatly that he’s putting himself in these risky situations.
I have always had a feeling that my son was gay/bisexual and last year we had a situation where we found out he was looking at gay porn online. I had a conversation with him and reassured him that all his family want is for him to be happy regardless of his sexuality.
In an ideal world I would like for my son to meet someone and for his first time to be with someone he loves/cares for rather than a random off the internet but I hear it sadly doesn’t happen like that anymore?!
I feel I have to have a conversation with him to make sure he’s aware of the risks he is taking and what he can do to reduce these risks. It’s such a sensitive subject and I want him to feel that he can talk to me (or someone else) about his feelings. I don’t want him to feel he is alone in this.
I would really appreciate some advice on how to approach this with my son.

[Al183]

Sorry, I forgot to say that my son is 15yrs old

[Iamdobby63]

I'm sorry that you didn't get a response to this. Yes I agree that you should talk to him, I think you will have to let on that you have seen the messages. He is only 15, do you know how old the person he was going to meet is? And does that person know how old your son is?

I feel for you, it's such a worry.

[Paddington68]

Deep breath. I answer as a gay man who knew he was gay at an early age.
Your son is probably questioning everything that is currently going on in his life and that is fine. He also needs to know that he is loved and accepted for who he is, whoever that may be. So could you start there, with some reassurance; that I would think he may need.

The huge change in technology makes it very easy for people to be in touch with each other, but I think you suspect the danger here is not about his first relationship but rather about him being taken advantage of due to his age. I fully appreciate that fear. I think you need to share with him after your reassurance, your fear. And explain that this fear comes from love.

I don't know where you live, but when I was much younger I went to a gay youth group that had an upper age range of 25. It was through this group of people that I went to my first bar etc, and it was a supportive group and some of those people I am still in contact with some (cough) 30 years later.

He may have left the phone unlocked accidently on purpose and personally I wouldn't own up to seeing the messages. If he asks you out right tell him, but his privacy will be very important to him now.

He is at the start of his adult life and this will be a huge journey for him and you. Take him to his favourite place and just chat. Don't think you will get out everything you need to say in one go. Be the calm to his internal storm. I wish you and he all the very best.