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Worried 16 yo is trans?

(15 Posts)
Wahile Fri 17-Mar-17 18:53:47

Hiya, I have a 16 yo DD. She has always liked stereotypical boy stuff, which has never been an issue. However, things that make my alarm bells ring now are things like:
- only wears underwear (bra and knickers when going out) but will happily wear briefs when indoors (not bra though).
- has never even tried make-up (I know this doesn't mean anything but with everything else).
- has an obsession with getting short hair with a fringe (like old Justin Bieber hair) and often takes photos with her hair looking like that (tying back up and making a fringe) - she does this a lot.
- talks about how she would love to be able to just take her top off when it's hot/swimming, etc.
- would like to be able to pee while standing up (?) and I've even heard her say 'a penis would be fun' before but then laughed, but I believe that was to cover up my confused look.
Any there are more. Would you say it could potentially be true?

pinkdonkey Fri 17-Mar-17 19:07:11

Sounds like me as a teenager tbh except the short hair and penis comment, I'm not trans, happily married (to a man) just never been a girly girl. Bras take a bit of getting used to and if shes not big busted may be more comfortable without, its darn unfair that women have to cover up in hot weather and men dont, being able to pee standing up would be useful and at a time when her bodys changing I don't think its unusual to wonder what it would be like to be a boy. I didn't know where to start with make up, Mum discouraged and teacher called the girls in my class who wore make up dirty, tarts and sluts, I still don't wear it often. Stop worrying and let her discover who she is.

IllBeBackmaybe Fri 17-Mar-17 20:18:36

I rarely wear a bra at home and didn't start wearing make up until I was 18. I stopped wearing it about a year ago (I'm 29). I've long been annoyed about the fact men can strip their tops for swimming and hot weather and women can't. Plenty of women have short hair, including me a couple of times in my life. Why doesn't she get it cut into the style she wants?

glenthebattleostrich Fri 17-Mar-17 20:22:02

Bras are a pain in the arse, make up isn't compulsory, teenagers are often obsessed with hair, I'd love to be able to wander around topless and peeing standing up / owning a dick would be easier.

MortifiedinAsda Fri 17-Mar-17 20:35:06

Hmmm not sure. My child is f-m Trans and didn't come out till 19 but the signs were there since about 14.

I wish I'd been more supportive so that he felt he could have come out earlier, he is so much happier now he is out and taking hormones. Let her be who she wants to be, she will always be your child regardless of the gender she feels she is ultimately.

Annahibiscuits Fri 17-Mar-17 22:09:29

Definitely! Can't have a GIRL not wearing a bra fgs! Get her on a life long dependency of harmful pharmaceuticals immediately. Or she may feel sad, or grow up to be a lesbian

CluelessMummy Fri 17-Mar-17 22:55:29

This sounds like me as a teen! I'm not trans. I still do wish I had a penis sometimes on long car journeys when I'm bursting for the loo!

Bex134 Sat 18-Mar-17 12:58:50

Sounds like she's exploring herself and her preferences. Start having chats with her about how she sees herself and if she's comfortable with her body. This will hopefully give some clarity about what she's thinking. The xomments she makes could be hints of a conversation starter or could be teenager being a teenager.

VestalVirgin Mon 03-Apr-17 11:58:50

Let's look at those things you have mentioned:

- only wears underwear (bra and knickers when going out) but will happily wear briefs when indoors (not bra though).
- has never even tried make-up (I know this doesn't mean anything but with everything else).
- has an obsession with getting short hair with a fringe (like old Justin Bieber hair) and often takes photos with her hair looking like that (tying back up and making a fringe) - she does this a lot.
- talks about how she would love to be able to just take her top off when it's hot/swimming, etc.

That, taken together, leads me to this, totally reliable diagnosis on a child I have never seen:

Congratulations, you have a feminist!

She doesn't want to perform femininity and resents the sexism and male gaze that force her to wear a top. All typical traits of feminists!

You say there are more. What more is there?

Those things you mentioned sound very much like she's a feminist, whose identity you should support by buying her books by Germaine Greer.

Nothing so far points to her being transgender.

And you really, really, really shouldn't put that transgender idea in her head by asking leading questions. You don't want her to start hormones and surgery, do you?

ATailofTwoKitties Mon 03-Apr-17 12:01:56

I may be missing something here, but why doesn't she have the confidence (or nous) to go and get her haircut short if she'd like it short? Does she think she'd be laughed at by friends or that you'd disapprove?

I'd ignore the alarm bells and work on your daughter's confidence to be her own person.

Thingsgettingstranger Thu 20-Apr-17 18:11:25

She sounds like a teenage girl. Leave her be.

KateDaniels2 Thu 20-Apr-17 18:18:54

I dont wear a bra at home, my hair is really short (shaved on one side), often asked mum if i coild have a penis when i was younger, was a typical 'tomboy'.

My hobbies are more common for men to do.

I am a woman, live as a woman, wear skirts, wear trousers, married to a man.

Nothing on your list even hints at trans.

What it does hint at is typical gender sterotyping and hysteria.

KateDaniels2 Thu 20-Apr-17 18:20:01

Oh and also sunbathe topless and wear make up only occasionally. I didn't start wearing make up until i was 22.

PaintingByNumbers Thu 20-Apr-17 18:27:00

Maybe she will be a butch lesbian (statistically more likely I guess than ftt?)
Sorry, bit flippant, but I'm not really seeing anything worrying here, just a girl who isnt currently conforming to old fashioned traditional feminine stereotypes?

ChocChocPorridge Thu 20-Apr-17 18:29:07

Except for the bra (big boobs) that sounds like me - plus I was painfully shy so barely showed any flesh apart from face and hands let alone wanted to strip off - I was jealous though, as I sat there sweating . I had a buzz cut when I was about 16 and spent every morning carefully spiking up my fringe! I've also practised peeing standing up (I spent a lot of time hanging out in the woods skipping school, it was handy) and have rarely worn makeup - let alone back then.

These days I do lose the bra by the end of the day - despite the big boobs, and wear boxers rather than knickers, just because I switched when pregnant for comfort and haven't bothered going back..

No reason to suspect trans, every reason to suspect standard teenager I think.

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