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Gay son and boyfriend

(4 Posts)
mamab11 Tue 24-Jan-17 03:37:16

Hello! My DS is 15 and will be turning 16 next week. He and his twin brother in the past couple of months have came out as gay. No big deal there as they had both said they were bi for a while, and were figuring themselves out. He's very confidant, mature young man and has a great network of friends around him, gay and straight. About 4 months ago he got a boyfriend (already 16) who is also a lovely, lovely boy whom we have know for years. He hangs around our house quite a lot very comfortabley as do all our twins friends and he's great. DS and said boy had kissed a few times last year before the boyfriend had to move for a year to a different country due to his fathers work. They are very sweet together, and care about each other very much, have said I love you and hold hands etc. and are very mature in terms of the emotional parts of a relationship but as far as I know they have only "made out" so far, nothing more. They have space when in our house but usually there's always someone around. Next week, both me and my DH will be out of town for the night, our younger children will be staying with relative and other twin will be at a school event over night. DS is staying home and has asked if BF can stay the night, sleep in his room too. I'm conflicted. My son is mature and knows how to handle himself, and is incredibly emotionally mature and has had numerous safe sec conversations etc. but I feel like sharing a bed is such a huge step and particularly while nobody else is home. I also know that at 16, he is eventually going to want to go "further" with his BF. If I clear it with the boyfriends parents should I allow them to spend the night? Or is it being to lax? confused

WombattingFree Tue 24-Jan-17 03:48:38

For me, being gay or bi shouldn't come in to it, age should. Would you feel comfortable if your son was 15 with a 16year old girlfriend? If not, then there is your answer. I wasn't allowed anyone in the same room until I was 18. I probably snuck someone in whilst they were away overnight, but we didn't talk about it (even though they knew I'd done it), they just couldn't and wouldn't sanction it.

languagelearner Tue 24-Jan-17 04:52:55

Well, whatever you day or do won't change much, will it? Truthfully?

notagiraffe Wed 15-Feb-17 11:49:08

Wombatting - I think it's more complex than that for a number of reasons. They can't get each other pregnant being the obvious one that blurs the reason why a boy and girl aren't allowed to share a room.

I'm watching with interest as I have a similar situation coming up soon.
If they've had sleepovers with male friends all their lives, you want to allow that level of friendship to continue - it's fun to talk into the night and listen to music together or game. But how do we know if it would progress beyond that?

Is it best to allow them to stay up but sleep in different rooms?

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