Concerned that partner allows his 13 daughter to use the men's toilets alone

(14 Posts)
Mrskeats Wed 05-Oct-16 18:26:43

It's that simple really.
I have read the debate here on the trans issue and have my opinions and experience but that's another story
My concern is in the title-would you be ok with a 13 year old girl (she looks very pretty and girlish although she wears neutral clothes)
I worry about the way she may be treated and whether partner is doing the right thing. He's not sure what to do for the best really
She's having counselling via the Tavistock
She is also binding her chest which I have read can be damaging
thoughts please

Prawnofthepatriarchy Wed 05-Oct-16 21:33:10

I think he's mad. We know a frightening proportion of men are sexual predators. Many more who are not rapists will pester girls for sex, and the girl being underage doesn't stop them. They won't care about her gender identity!

Remind him of the transman who was raped recently by a taxi driver. Poor stupid kid said "I told him I was a man but he didn't take any notice." What's so crazy was her believing that he would. Your partner needs to have a serious talk with his daughter about the risks she's running.

Mrskeats Thu 06-Oct-16 01:19:04

Ok will given that response at least I know I'm not overreacting
I also wondered about the legality of it too

VimFuego101 Thu 06-Oct-16 01:34:44

So born female but identifies as male? Tough one... I can see how important it is to use the bathroom of the gender you feel you are, but I can also understand your safety concerns.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Thu 06-Oct-16 09:39:42

If a man or men, or older boys, discover this girl is using the gents there's a whole range of potentially unpleasant outcomes. Just being ridiculed would be traumatic for someone of that age.

Mrskeats Thu 06-Oct-16 17:42:59

Yes I'm worried about a range of things really
She wants to be a boy she says but looks girly
It's difficult

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 06-Oct-16 17:50:44

My ds uses accessible toilets where possible.

If not he uses the male toilets and has done for years now.

What other options is there really? Ds is in a cubicle within seconds and out the door within seconds again, he uses hand sanitiser so he doesn't have to wash his hands in there.

Never had an issue yet.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 06-Oct-16 17:53:35

She should use the womens or a disabled toilet.

Chest binding can be very damaging.

ageingrunner Thu 06-Oct-16 17:59:27

Considering that trans women apparently aren't safe in the men's toilets, I can't see why a 13 yr old girl would be confused
It doesn't make sense. I don't know how she can stand to go in there tbh.

Mrskeats Thu 06-Oct-16 18:19:11

Yes please tell me about the binding chest thing please?
I think she's far too young for all this personally and she's being put in harm's way.
I've seen studies making links between binding and health issues like breast cancer

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 06-Oct-16 18:28:08

bindinghealthproject.wordpress.com/results/

audreyharley Thu 06-Oct-16 22:18:32

You're worried that your transitioning child will be harassed in a toilet? I think you're overcomplicating this, people don't go in the bathroom for any more than to use it! It's the reverse of people not wanting transpeople in their bathroom. The reality is that a person is more likely to be sexually harassed or assaulted by someone that they know well than a "stranger in an alleyway" [or bathroom] so I would say you have nothing to worry about.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Sun 09-Oct-16 12:08:01

Toilets and other spaces are sex (not gender) segregated, and there are very good reasons for that. People definitely do use loos for more than just relieving themselves. The monotonous regularity of men creeping in women's loos to peep, film, molest is why women want our spaces penis free. Men's public loos, even now, are still places gay men hook up. If you don't believe me hang out on the mostly gay men's forum, Datalounge.

How will your DSD deal with menstruation issues in a men's loo? No bins, etc and she won't be wanting to wash blood off her hands if there is anyone around. 13 is a very vulnerable age.and I remember many menstrual disasters, as well as the fear and disgust I felt at approaches by predatory men when I was that age.

I wonder if your DSD's dad just isn't aware how common sexual advances to very young girls are? Perhaps you should talk to him about how dangerous men can be in an isolated space like a deserted public loo. Not all men, goes without saying, but it only takes one.

Mrskeats Sun 09-Oct-16 22:59:31

Thanks for the link itsallgoingtobefine

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