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Teenage uncertainty on sexuality

(4 Posts)
Veggiemomma Sat 10-Sep-16 09:24:11

First I will apologise if this turns into a rant but it's been building in my head,you know how it is..
I have twin g now age 17. One came out as gay 6 months ago which was no surprise, then on getting together with her second girlfriend a month ago said she wanted to be a boy.
Now the problems I have are that I know from her twin that she is in a toxic group of friends at college who bully members to conform with them - they are all transitioning. I have also heard that they will bully parents on social media of members who "go against" their views. This was from a girl who got out of the group.
While I have no problems with d being gay, I don't believe she is trans. I know she is easily led and does not have the confidence to stand up to others.
Do I just wait until this relationship comes to its inevitable fiery end and see what happen?

Stopmakingsense Sun 11-Sep-16 08:28:43

Hello Veggiemomma. I feel for you as my DD18 who said previously that she is gay, now says she is transgender. I too think she has latched on to an idea which is prevalent (if you are not good enough to be a woman, you must be medically altered to be a man - sounds grim, doesn't it) and whilst the feeling she has is real I think far more likely that it is as a result of poor self esteem/ anxiety about not fitting into normal stereotypes. I am desperately worried that having stuck her neck out and announced this to the world, she is gaily burning all her bridges in a way only a teenager can do. I am sick with worry.
Your DD is still 17 - if you can get her to the GP and/or to a competent
psychologist so that she can explore her feelings safely? The advice we were given by her psychiatrist was - unconditional love, be neutral, try not to back her into a corner, address underlying conditions such as anxiety. But this may not resolve itself for years.
Look up 4thwave now, gender trender, gender critical dad, other threads in this section and in the teenager section. we are on the crest of a wave here and non- conforming children are the victims - in amongst them there will be few who really do need to be medically treated, but this many?

Stopmakingsense Sun 11-Sep-16 08:42:10

Just also to say that sexuality is independent from gender identity, although linked (i.e. If as a lesbian you are attracted to women, then become a man still attracted to women, then you are now heterosexual).

Veggiemomma Sun 11-Sep-16 12:42:00

Thanks,it's nice to know I'm not alone in this kind of situation. D does suffer from depression and anxiety and has been under CAMHS, I too feel she is looking for a label.
I have found 4the ace now, but will look up the others.
Thanks again.

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