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My child has just come out as trans 😊

(106 Posts)
happylittlefish Tue 12-Jul-16 17:26:07

My ds13 (was dd) has just told me they're transgender. He'd always been a very extreme 'tomboy' and has told me he's always felt like a boy and would like me to call him by a new name and use correct pronouns, which I am happy to oblige.

We're going to get his hair cut soon and have ordered a binder (very aware of how to use it).

I have a few questions though:
1. How is the best way to tell family/friends?
2. Should I inform school or wait a while? I'm scared he'll be bullied.
3. What actually lies ahead for ds?
4. What are the next steps?

Thank you for anyone who can help 😊

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Tue 12-Jul-16 17:30:29

If you pm me op I can give you lots of good advice smile

TheGhostOfBarryFairbrother Thu 14-Jul-16 22:02:52

I was just flicking through this section and came across your post. Can I just say what a fantastic parent you are flowers

Your DS is lucky to to have you. Tell him that I think he's a star too.

happylittlefish Sat 16-Jul-16 21:06:07

TheGhost, thank you so much!! 😊

Have told school, who are all tremendously supportive. Ds is being accepted and treated well, being referred to with the correct pronouns with his new name. I have bought several binders and he has had his hair cut short. He's so happy and I'm just so proud of him!!

lulucappuccino Sat 16-Jul-16 21:08:11

I'm concerned at the damage a binder can do. It's also very impractical, especially at an age where they're getting changed for PE etc.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 16-Jul-16 21:10:13

My ds also wears a binder suitable for his age group. It isn't impractical and it's perfectly safe. No need for concern.

Great news happy I'm glad the school are being supportive.

stripeyreds0cks Sat 16-Jul-16 21:12:54

Happy can I ask where you researched binders? My ds (also 13) has shown an interest. He is known by male name outside of the house, wears male clothes etc. School and friends are all very supportive, as I hope myself and dh are. We're being guided I guess by ds and facing each hurdle together.
I'm cautious about binders having read that there are some dangers.

SpeedyMcStupiderson Sat 16-Jul-16 21:15:54

It is very common for girls going through puberty to wish they were boys, who seem to have everything soooo much easier.

It usually passes. Please do not do anything physically altering to your developing children. Binders can be incredibly damaging.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 16-Jul-16 21:16:12

I'll pm you stripey.

TheRealAdaLovelace Sat 16-Jul-16 21:18:58

Perhaps if people didnt think in such gender restricted ways, this girl could be herself. Lots of girls want to be boys for a while, don't they?

Far too young.

FellOutOfBed2wice Sat 16-Jul-16 21:21:58

I'm a teacher and a girl at our school has gone through this. School have been very useful and supportive, and have put her family in touch with some helpful agencies. Therefore I would get in touch with the school, yes.

titchy Sat 16-Jul-16 21:22:06

What speedy said.

Give your child the space to change their mind.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 16-Jul-16 21:22:42

Perhaps if you had been through years upon years upon years of various groups, therapy, counselling etc with that attitude in mind and still have a very unhappy child you would realise that maybe being supportive, even if it is a phase, is actually good parenting.

You have honestly got no idea about why we have made the choices we have to support our children.

lulucappuccino Sat 16-Jul-16 21:25:35

Binding developing breasts is damaging, no two ways about it.

At this stage in the child's life, it's sad to think of this happening. There's no good enough reason why this can't wait until a less dangerous time.

I'm saddened by this thread.

And no, I'm not anti-trans before anyone accuses me of that.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 16-Jul-16 21:27:30

You have no idea what I have chosen for my child, nor advised via pm so may I suggest that you save your sadness for a more worthy cause.

TheRealAdaLovelace Sat 16-Jul-16 21:30:01

Elsa - all OP has told us is that her DD was 'an extreme tomboy'. I hate that term as it seems to indicate that a girl who is not stereotypically 'girly' is some kind of imitation, second rate boy.

PotteringAlong Sat 16-Jul-16 21:30:56

I think he's 13 and therefore far too young to make these sort of (literally) life changing decisions.

TheRealAdaLovelace Sat 16-Jul-16 21:31:42

Why are you trying to make this thread about you Elsa?

lulucappuccino Sat 16-Jul-16 21:32:09

There is, literally, no such thing as a binder that doesn't cause damage.

mzS1990 Sat 16-Jul-16 21:33:45

I think it's far too much, too soon also.

Go in slowly

lulucappuccino Sat 16-Jul-16 21:33:51

I won't go into details, but I do know about binders. I think it's very sad indeed that parents would permit their 13 year old child to use one.

Firsttimer82 Sat 16-Jul-16 21:38:56

I think doing anything other than being supportive would be damaging. You sound like a great parent. Yes children go through phases but if it is a phase isn't it best to be supportive and not make a big deal about it. Thats what my mum did through all my teenage years..

ExitPursuedByABear Sat 16-Jul-16 21:41:01

Since when was there this topic?

lulucappuccino Sat 16-Jul-16 21:41:18

Yes, I agree - be supportive. But please don't make any potentially permanent changes to your child's body. Please don't be under the impression that a binder won't do this. It will. Especially if it's worn on a regular basis.

This is a 13 year old CHILD.

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