Etiquette re LBGT teen sleepovers

(5 Posts)
Lenomestchange Mon 09-May-16 21:11:49

OK, having adjusted to DD14 saying she's pansexual (not totally sure if I fully understand it, but she's still her and I'm not fussed) she now has a number of LBGT friends and those that I've met seem nice enough. However, I'm a bit conflicted between the age-old binary response of parent to opposite-sex-sleepover and what the situation is re:
a) gender-fluid, but acting as boy (rising 17)
b) definitely a boy, just looks like a girl (bad luck for him: he's 15) and so far is still in the "sex is icky" camp
c) girl, but thinks she should be a boy (rising 14)

I've had c) over before for sleepovers: dunno if that was right, but it felt ok at the time. a) and b) are newcomers. Slightly baffled: it's not exactly that I think they'll be up to no good, simply that it would have been out of the question when I was younger and I'm struggling to tell the difference iyswim....sorry if this question isn't well-worded: I'm just very confused and would like to hear a few views.

HSMMaCM Mon 09-May-16 21:19:40

It's very difficult. DD (16) is bi and has had her girlfriend over for a sleepover, a gay friend for a sleepover but I still hesitated at a boy who is not her boyfriend sleeping in her room. I think it is an inbuilt response from our own upbringing

The only thing I have found helpful is open and honest conversations with her about being safe, making conscious decisions and birth control. It's not easy when it's something I have no personal experience of though

SilverBirchWithout Mon 09-May-16 21:29:03

I think the question is whether you trust your DD and her friends to adher to whatever rules you have in place about sexual activity in your house?

In principle it is no different to allowing DD with a more straight forward sexual identity sharing a room with a friend of the opposite sex. Don't get bogged down in wishing to be a PC and liberal parent.

Lenomestchange Mon 09-May-16 21:40:33

Ooh, quick responses - I didn't expect them so soon.

We've had open and honest conversations of that type, though she is IMO still not quite into the teen hormone rush on that score - her response has always tended to be "what? you think we'd break the law by having sex under 16? don't be ridiculous!" My memories say that there comes a stage where the law is an optional extra, but perhaps that was just me! I don't really know at what point any of these others are.

My initial reaction was "maybe - but they sleep in a different room". I have no idea if they would be uncomfortable with that, though don't think so. Said room has two single beds in it, so we are lucky to have that option. I'll wait a bit longer for other views (I told her I'd give an answer on Wednesday: I've been under the weather lately and she had some classmates for a sleepover this weekend too - I haven't recovered yet!)

Lenomestchange Mon 09-May-16 21:41:28

Oh - forgot to say thanks flowersstarstar

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