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Ds1 has come out

(9 Posts)
Lostmyemailaddress Thu 10-Mar-16 22:39:58

My ds1 is 13 in few months he mentioned to me about 18 months ago he thought he might be gay. We sat down and chatted and I told him if he was then that didn't change anything but I also explained it was normal to go through a phase where you could find members of the same sex attractive. He seemed happy with this and we have spoke about things on and off when he has approached me with questions and what I'm guessing is comments to gauge a reaction from me.

He came to me tonight once his siblings where in bed and has told me outright he is gay and it isn't a phase . I gave him a hug and have told him again that nothing between us changes I love him and see him the way I always have and that I'm really proud of him for feeling he can come and talk to me and tell me I know it's been a relief telling me by the look on his face.

As with all the dcs I want to be able to support him the best I can and answer questions he might have but I know I won't always have the answers for him. I'm also worried if he is honest with friends at school and they fall out it could be used to bully him. He was bullied quite badly when he in the first 4 years of primary and it affected him quite badly. I had thought of googling and looking at online forums for his age group but I'm not sure if there are any available and I don't really want to push him into doing something I'm not sure he would want if that makes any sense at all.

havenlady Sun 13-Mar-16 07:40:24

Have you looked at Stonewall? Has he got some good friends who will support him? You may find that his peer group are really relaxed about sexuality. And congratulations for being such a nice Mum....

MuttonCadet Sun 13-Mar-16 07:49:38

Schools are very geared up for ensuring that kids are accepted regardless of their sexuality, from what I've seen, (2 boys here 15 & 17), it's very uncool to pick on someone because they're gay.

CurlyWurlyCatcher Sun 13-Mar-16 07:55:31

I don't have any advice as my DCs are still preschool age but I just wanted to say how lucky your son is to have such a loving and supportive parent smile

Lostmyemailaddress Mon 14-Mar-16 18:47:52

Sorry for not replying sooner. Thank you for the replies smile

I will definitely look at stonewall and he says his friends know but he hasn't told anyone he doesn't want it to be an issue. Im gonna follow his lead. I worry about a couple of his friends as there has been a couple of Fallings out last year and they were really horrible to him excluding him and name calling as well as spreading lies. If any problems come up I'll speak to his hoy and forewarn them just to be on safe side.
He seems happier since we had our chats and I am proud of him for being able to speak to him just want to make sure if he does run into people problems because of this I can support him as much as possible.

HermioneWeasley Mon 14-Mar-16 18:51:57

It's been many years since I was on the scene so it may have changed, but I remember it being quite predatory for young men. I'd encourage him to find some LGBT youth groups and make sure he is well versed on safe sex - much riskier for gay men.

Lostmyemailaddress Mon 14-Mar-16 18:58:20

I'm strict with anything to do with the Internet I check history and messages but it was agreed before he was allowed to use it at home. He knows not to arrange to meet up with anyone as not everyone is who they say they are and we had the safe sex talk during the whole sex and babies talk.
I'm hoping we can find a group for him to actually attend with peers his age group for him to meet others in a want for a better word controlled and safe environment.

wannabetennisplayer Sat 19-Mar-16 00:07:52

I don't know what area you are in but, there are LGBT youth groups in many cities and larger towns.

This website has details of LGBT youth groups in north west England and also the Peer Support Project (whereby he could get advice/support from another young person by e-mail/text/Facebook etc, even if he doesn't have a group local to him).

You could also try contacting FFLAG (Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays) for advice:

Lostmyemailaddress Sat 19-Mar-16 10:35:22

OK thank you we are in northwest so I will take a look today and pass it on to him smile

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