Disowned and thrown out(3 Posts)
I've recently came out as bisexual and my parents are not supportive about it at all. They said some very hurtful things and told me if I cant change then I can't be in the family. I spent 2 nights at my train station before a friend found out and I'm currently staying with him. His mum says that she will need to contact the school though but I'm really anxious about this. I feel so confused and heartbroken and angry about what has happened that I don't know what to do. I thought my family would be proud of me but instead they made me leave home.
Your parents should accept you for who you are. There is nothing wrong with being gay or bi or trans or whatever! The reality is though you can't change them only they can change their opinion, which is crap but that's life!
Telling the school is a good idea. They will be able to refer you to the right help.
If your under 16 social services can help you find so where to stay.
If your over 16 social services/council or homeless charity can help you find a hostel or homeless b&b.
My advice is though as a young person who ended up homeless myself is if you can go back home until you can get your education at school please do it.
I had no choice but to leave and become homeless as my family was abusive so it was unsafe for me to stay there. A charity helped me find a hostel place but it meant I had to leave school so I could claim benefits to pay the hostel charges (nowhere is free to stay) it meant that I never got to finish school so I didn't have the qualifications to go to college/uni so I have always had to work harder for less pay in low paid jobs and will never earn enough to own my own home, have enough to run a car or go on holidays etc. it has affected my entire life even all these years later! I am ok now but my life will always be "harder" than some others.
I'm clever I could have gone to uni and been a doctor/lawyer had a great career but I missed out and it's too late for me now.
So if you can handle being at home waiting until college so that you can finish school that would be my advice although I know that means that you would (in my opinion unfairly) have to not talk about being bi or dating the same sex until you leave home.
I don't agree at all that you should have to obviously but think of it like this a couple/few years of keeping things quiet so that you can have 50/60 years of a great open honest life with a good career.
I'm really sorry your parents have been like this. My son came out as bi about a year ago. He is still the lovely funny person I adore, and it changes nothing.
I had had an inkling for some time that he was either bi or gay, so wasn't surprised when he told me, but was surprised by his evident relief that we still have his back...it should have been obvious, or so I thought!
How old are your parents?
When you have kids you trolly along assuming that they are straight, until you see indications to the contrary. Your Mum may therefore take some time to readjust her world view. We haven't told my Mum that ds is bi, at his request, as she would not cope well with it, and would offer to pray for him, whereas he just wants a hug.
I don't know how old you are, but if you are under 16, then your parents may think this a phase, as opposed to your orientation, and imagine that being heavy handed will make you think twice. Ds was 19, and in his first year at uni when he told me, and I will be as supportive as he requires. It's just a facet of who he is, as opposed to the whole of his being.
Good luck, and hugs. Please remember that if your parents had no inkling this was coming, it will be hard for them to readjust, and their initial reaction may improve with time. You are still you!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.