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my daughter and her new friend might be more than friends

(5 Posts)
karaline Sat 30-Jan-16 23:36:34

My kids started new schools a few weeks ago, (we moved after I left their father) my daughter had developed a very intense friend ship with a girl in her class. she came round on Wednesday, she came round on friday, she came round earlier. They want to meet up again tomorrow. initially I was very pleased with this development, she has found making friends hard in the past. and then last night. i happened to be at the top on the stairs when they were saying goodbye and I heard them kiss and then both giggle nervously. Now that i'm on alert there's been other indications too.

I guess I have a number of issues, not all LGBT related. she seems so young (she's 13 so objectively she's not really that young, but she's my eldest child, and i'm a mother -so hey) i'm worried about her jumping headlong into a relationship so soon after such a traumatic life event. I'm worried they're going to break up and fall out horribly and then be stuck in the same class for the next few years. I'm worried their classmates are going to find out and give them a hard time.

i know a lot of this is my head running away with it self, i'm worrying about things that may not even happen but my daughters never had a relationship before (as far as i know) so this feels like a bit of a double whammy. I want to be excepting and supportive of her sexuality (although I am aware this could be just a phase) but i'm stressed about lots of other things right now, like money and housing. so rather selfishly I feel a bit like its come at a bad time and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, so I'm letting of steam here so I don't say the wrong thing to her.

StylishDuck Sat 30-Jan-16 23:43:29

Would you feel the same way if it was a boy she had a new relationship with? I'm not asking to be confrontational, merely to try to establish whether you are more worried about her having a relationship full stop at 13 rather than her possibly being gay.

Bloodybridget Wed 10-Feb-16 14:56:29

13 is very young and I can understand your worries. Having said that, I guess some experimentation is usual at that age, whether same sex or opposite sex. I wouldn't leap to the conclusion that your DD is lesbian or bisexual, whatever she is doing or feeling you want to make sure she is happy and safe.

Do you think she would open up to you about the friendship? Have you ever talked together about gay relationships, do you have gay relatives or friends? What does the other girl seem like to you?

karaline Thu 11-Feb-16 13:16:46

hello, sorry for not getting back to everyone sooner, and thank you for all your helpful replies and thoughtful questions.

StylishDuck I can't imagine how i would feel if the new 'friend' had been a boy, because this is my eldest child, so its the first time i've found myself confronted with anything like this situation but I think initially I was more concerned about her being a girl, but quite soon afterwards I felt like I adjusted to that and in fact I was less concerned about the gender, but more concerned about how sudden and intense it was, how young they both are and how vulnerable my daughter is right now.

Bloodybridget she hasn't opened up about their friendship but we have talked about gay relationships, I have a number of close friends and she has an aunty who's gay, so its not a taboo subject in our house. Also the school is very progressive and open minded.

UPDATE: They're still friends, but she has only visited our house once since i originally posted and my daughter hasn't been to her house. She has made other friends in her new school too now, although she is still talking about the original girl and they are clearly still hanging out it doesn't seem as exclusive or as intense which on reflection was concerning me more than the possibility that they are in a 'lesbian' relationship.

thanks again for your replies

Bloodybridget Fri 12-Feb-16 21:47:49

That sounds like a better situation, glad to hear your DD is making other friends too.

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