What is the etiquette here?

(5 Posts)
TinklyLittleLaugh Thu 10-Dec-15 16:23:27

DD started sixth form college in September. She has lots of friends and is really enjoying it. One of her longstanding friends (A) quickly became really good friends with a new girl (B). A month or so ago DD told me that she was attracted to B and they were dating. Bit of a surprise, as she's only gone out with boys before, but we just said, "Fine, carry on".

Anyway, today DD had a half day at college and asked if I would give her a lift home, and also drop B at the station. I said fine, (because I was pretty nosy to meet B anyway).

Anyhow I pick them up, and A, who lives near us, is there too, (I often give A a lift home) but it soon becomes clear A and B are both going to the station, and off shopping; they are all glammed up and giggly and excited.

At home, I ask DD why she hadn't gone and she said they hadn't asked her and she wasn't bothered. But I'm pretty sure she was.

So what is the etiquette here? If they were all friends, then I'd say the other girls were pretty rude to blag a lift and then exclude her. If B was DD's boyfriend going off with a mate I probably wouldn't think twice about it.

But this seems to fall somewhere between the two because they are all mates as well as the relationship. DD is lovely and I don't want her to be messed about by someone who isn't nice, (and A isn't always nice). Am I being daft to feel a bit miffed on DD's behalf? Feels like B just wants DD for the lesbian stuff, (DD is very pretty) but doesn't see her as a person.

YourLittlePlantPot Thu 10-Dec-15 20:34:39

I genuinely wouldn't worry about it. I asked my DW her opinion and we were on the same page - that if my best friend (that gets on very well with DW) and I arranged a bit of quality time she's never put out (and same with her best friend). This is mainly because an LGBT relationship is pretty much the same as a straight one. Like you said yourself if B was a boy you wouldn't of thought twice.

Also DW says thumbs up - you sound like a fab mum smile

Hassled Thu 10-Dec-15 20:42:45

Regardless of the dating stuff, they weren't be especially kind to your DD, were they? Say B was a boy, and A was his mate but also DD's mate, and they'd buggered off together to have fun without her - that would be shit, and this is just the same.

But it's not your battle to fight - keep a wary eye on things and be there if she needs you, but there's nothing you can really do or say.

TinklyLittleLaugh Thu 10-Dec-15 20:46:15

Yes, I suppose I have to get into the mindset of thinking of B like a boyfriend, not simply a new friend.

To be honest I think I was a bit thrown as B was not what I was expecting. DD is quite indie and political; a sort of DrMartens and band T shirt girl and B was very glamorous: all heels and handbag like A. All DD's closest friends are more like her, I wouldn't have imagined B was her type at all.grin Though she seemed like a nice girl.

howtorebuild Thu 10-Dec-15 20:46:16

They weren't including your DD, wanted a life and were rubbing her face in being excluded. I would not be impressed at all.

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