Brother has come out and no one handling it well(6 Posts)
My brother has come out this weekend, not only that but he's told us he's been seeing someone for a few months.
I have friends who are gay and whilst I'm completely comfortable around them, I'm not sure how I will feel when I see my brother with his partner.
However, I'm being positive and supportive as my parents haven't taken it well at all. They are very old fashioned and cannot understand when my brother says it's more natural for him to be with a man than a woman. My dad has said some very homophobic things, I don't know how or when he will accept it.
With Christmas coming up we are all supposed to be spending some time together soon (we don't live close) and I don't know how it will go, I feel as though I'm going to be piggy in the middle.
Any advice on how to help my parents accept the situation and to help my brother understand it's a shock and everyone needs time to come to terms with his news?
Feeling in turmoil at the moment
Firstly, you need to lead by example and be totally calm and supportive for him. Why don't you know how you'll feel? It's still your brother, nothing has changed.
Whilst I appreciate your parents might be of an older generation it's imperative they understand that they could drive him away in a moment and unless all of you change your attitudes pretty quickly you stand to lose your brother.
How awful for him to not have the full support of his family at this time, despite what your feelings may be, this isn't about any of you, it's about him and ensuring he feels loved and understood.
He is still the same brother and son that he was Friday. Hopefully your parents will come to accept it but as his sister I think you need to be there to show him support. Did you have no idea at all?
I would listen to your brothers views and your parents and try and be supportive of all their feelings but challenge any homophobic comments. This is hardest on your brother as he's probably thought hard about this moment for a long time.
I think as well you may have more response if you post this on relationships rather than here as this is aimed at children who are lbgt.
Your brother will feel better if you are there for him, I would call him and invite him and his dp to meet up with you separately from the family.
I have challenged the homophobic comments and have said to my parents that although they can't understand why it's normal, they don't need to it will never be normal for them but it is for him.
I can't explain my feelings, I had suspicions but I guess it's just a shock we're having to comprehend not only that he's gay but he also has a partner who we have to meet etc. As I said I have many gay friends who I love dearly and who I have spent much time around.
At the moment I'm suggesting our plans don't go ahead as I'm worried something will be said that can't be taken back or forgiven. My parents live my brother but I guess if you spend all your life thinking something is right or wrong (obviously this case wrong) it's going to take some time to 'get over it'
As I said my minds in turmoil at the moment as I can't anticipate how long it will take for them to come to terms with this news or how long my brothers willing to wait for them to come around
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