my 11 daughter thinks she is gay(3 Posts)
I have been reading through the lovely supportive threads on here and I feel quite confident I responded well when my 11 daughter told me she thinks she might be a lesbian. I said I was so pleased that she wanted to confide in me. We chatted about how lesbians have families i think she was anxious about this has she has always been fond of babies and children and talks about wanting to a mum.This reassured her and we talked about gay people we know and in the media and how its not really a big deal anymore. She then asked me not to tell her dad or her brother for now and I agreed( both would be completely supportive, have discussed it with dh as a theoretical issue previously) she then asked me if she should tell her friends and I was a bit stumped! It is probably not a phase( I knew I was straight at 11, had a boyfriend at 12) but it seems very young to be making sexuality an issue. I want to protect her from bullying. When I was at school being called a lesbian was a horrible insult. I know the world has changed. We both said we would think about this and I would support her decision about who and when to tell people.Any advice?
I was open about my sexuality at school. I didn't wear it like a badge or anything but I just had girlfriends instead of boyfriends. I never suffered any bullying about it. Whereas my friend was very obviously gay, constantly tried to deny it and was teased about it. (Not about being gay but about pretending he wasn't.)
Really, a person's sexuality is no one else's business, but I think the more open and honest you are with others the more open, honest and happy you'll be with yourself.
I think its important though that she realises that it's very difficult to tell just some people. Children love drama and if it gets out as a secret or rumour (as it undoubtedly would in a school) she'd have to be prepared to own it or deny it.
I would tell her that it's up to her but suggest that she may prefer to wait til she has a girlfriend and it becomes obvious rather than announce it. Or that she could not bring it up but be honest if asked. Obviously in the end, she's the only one who can decide.
As she's so young, she may have some people she comes out to telling her it's a phase and dismissing it, so it's important that you take it seriously which you are doing
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