Sleepover with girlfriend?

[buzzpopprince]

My 15 year old daughter told me a couple of weeks ago that she is now in a relationship with her best female friend. She says she would not entirely define herself as gay but is right now...she believes in falling in love with an individual regardless of their gender. In her words her friend is 'more gay than I am'.
My dilemma is that the week before she told me this , said friend (nearly 17) stayed with us for a week, in her bedroom and they shared the bed. I am obviously supportive of their relationship but not happy that I wasn't told about it before her friend came and stayed over...Had it been a boy I would have objected to them sharing the bedroom? She knows I am. To happy that I wasn't given the information before she stayed.
My daughter wants her to stay again in September and I expect they will think they are sharing the bed again... I don't know how I feel about this, my daughter has just gone 16 recently. I'm interested to know how other Mumsnetters would approach this?

[LondonKate]

I was your 15 year old daughter! I never told my parents about my first girlfriend and did share a bed with her at my parents. It's hard to know what is best from the other side of things.

I think you should try to treat things exactly how you would if it were a boyfriend. Do remember though - things probably feel incredibly intense for your daughter at the moment and she may find it a wee bit tricky to be rational!

[buzzpopprince]

Thank you for your response. Yes, things do seem very intense with her at the moment....tricky as she is now over the age of consent, but we're it a boy he wouldn't be sleeping in her bed overnight...but she of course is going to be livid when I say they can't stay in the room together

[CherryPicking]

I don't know. I don't have teenagers yet so perhaps I'm not qualified. I know when my mother banned boyfriends staying over it was because she was terrified I'd get pregnant. What is it you're objecting to really? The sex? because you know they're going to do that anyway, right? Could just as easily happen at 2pm in the afternoon. Or is it her not being 16 that's the biggest problem and feeling like you're condoning her being underage?

[buzzpopprince]

She has just gone 16, but wasn't 16 last time her girlfriend stayed and I wasn't aware at that stage they were in relationship.
Thank you for you post, it really made me think through what I am objecting to...I think it is a mixture of being 'deceived' by them last time and wanting to set boundaries, some sort of weird view around them going to sleep and waking up together' that seems a very adult thing to do at such a young age...but yes you are right re sex, they are 16, and they will do it whenever! Also, her girlfriends mother is not happy about the relationship, and though she has not discussed it with me at all, I feel I should take that into account...or is it not on business since she is not my child and over 16??

[Lozza1990]

If her mother is happily letting her stay over and hasn't talked to you or anything then I wouldn't feel a need to discuss it with her. It's true that teenagers will find a way to do things when they want to, so you have to ask yourself would you rather they sneak around and do things behind your back? You're understandably annoyed that she lied to you but she has told you now, she could have very easily carried on with the 'best friend' arrangement so I would be careful not to 'punish' her for telling you which is how she would take it if you forbid them from sharing a bed.