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Advice please

(3 Posts)
Itscoldagain Sun 03-May-15 17:53:22

Hi moms,

Where to start. I'm looking for some serious advice on the right way (if there is one) to tell my mom that I'm gay. I thought mumsnet would be the best place to ask. I've never had a serious girlfriend, my mom has never queried this. Does she know? Does a mom sense these things?

I've been struggling for years and my mom means the world to me. I'm terrified of the hurt, disappointment but most of all the rejection. I'm not with anyone and I'm not 'out'. I lie awake worrying about it, crying myself to sleep, it's really messing me up. She gives me the impression she is anti-gay. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm living a lie and my own mom doesn't really know who I am. I'm not feminine and I don't have any issues with guys who are, I'm just not and maybe that's the reason why she's never confronted me. I could just do the whole 'come out' thing but I'm concerned that might make her reject me.

I know there's a opinion in the wide world that says 'she needs to deal with it' but it's my mom and I don't want to hurt her.

It's just a big mess. Thanks for listening.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan Mon 04-May-15 04:49:39

I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time and are so miserable. I'm sure your mum would be very upset if she knew you were crying yourself to sleep over this. I bet she's like every other mum in this world, who just wants her kids to be happy.

One of my sons is gay. I didn't know before he told me, but when he did tell me it wasn't a surprise, if you know what I mean, so I think I knew subconsciously. He did know that I would be fine with it (which I am).

You're obviously worried that your mum will be upset or disappointed, because she's possibly anti-gay. Do you have a brother or sister who can support you in telling your mum? Or does your mum have a sibling you can confide in?

I think that you need to tell her whatbyouvebput here - that you're gay, that you love her very much, that her approval is really important to you, and that not being true to yourself is making you very unhappy. You do need to make it ckear that you're not unhappy because you're gay but because you're living a lie.

I really hope your mum is ok with this. It might take a little while for the idea to sink in, but I'm sure she loves you very much and just wants you to be happy.

Good luck

Itscoldagain Tue 05-May-15 20:14:30

Thank you for this. It's so appreciated. More than you realise smile

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