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My father is not accepting that my eldest son is gay and has a boyfriend?

(5 Posts)
elsie1970 Thu 09-Apr-15 18:57:12

My eldest son came out to me at the age of 13, and I have always done my best to be supportive. It took a while for my husband and I to come to terms with it, but we were never mad or annoyed at him for being the way he is. We have never been the sort of parents to say 'it's just a phase'.

He recently told us that he had his first boyfriend, and they had been dating for around 3 months. We accepted this as he seemed very happy. About a week later we told the whole family that we were going on a camping holiday with both sets of grandparents for a week during Easter break. He immediately told us that he wouldn't go unless he could bring his boyfriend, and after a few days of discussion with my partner, we decided to let him bring him along,as we couldn't really leave him at home alone for a week (he is 16, almost 17).

We went on our camping trip last week, with 12 people (5 children, my partner and I, both sets of grandparents and my eldest's boyfriend). When we arrived, we set up tents and other essential things. Then I noticed my eldest and his boyfriend were gone. I brushed it to the back of my mind, as they are old enough not to do anything stupid. Sure enough, after about five minuets after, they came back holding hands and I saw them kiss. I felt happy for him because he was happy.

But later on, after we ate, my dad came up to me and said that he was uncomfortable with him being with another guy, and that he didn't really 'agree' with him dating people of the same gender. I said that he was happy and we should all be happy for him, but he told me to talk to them and ask them to stop acting so much like a couple, and to just be friends. My parents have always been dedicated Christians, so I didn't know how to persuade him just to let it be .

We came home from the holiday on Friday, I have had constant phone calls from my father, asking me to talk to him and say that I wasn't okay with him being gay. I'm not going to say this to him as I love him and as long as he is happy I'm happy. He has also been angry with me for letting him bring his boyfriend in the first place, as that's just a chance for them to 'fall in love'. I'm over my fathers anti-gay comments by now, but how can I get him to accept that his grandson is gay and he cannot change that?

Wolfiefan Thu 09-Apr-15 18:59:38

God made your son the way he is. God loves and accepts him. Surely your father should try to follow that example.

rabbit123 Tue 02-Jun-15 16:19:14

I think you need to make it clear that your father doesn't get a say in anybody's sexuality. It's not a choice. It's not something you just decide to do.

Being gay is the same as being straight. Love is not a gender. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick and choose.

Your son and his boyfriend shouldn't be treated any differently to any other couple. If your going to apply a rule that they have to act as friends, then the same would need to apply to yourself and your own mother & father.

hedgehogsdontbite Tue 02-Jun-15 16:27:54

You can't get him to accept it. All you can do is make it clear that your sons sexuality is your sons business not yours and certainly not your dad's. If he's uncomfortable with it that's his problem. If your dad can't/won't accept it then he'll be the one you'll have to exclude in future, not your DS or his boyfriend.

GatoradeMeBitch Tue 02-Jun-15 20:05:27

Unfortunately many Christians do not believe their God loves and accepts gay people. Modern Christianity seems to have a serious bee in its bonnet about homosexuality. You'd think it would appear in the commandments given the amount of prominence it has in the 'Big Sins' list these days. In reality it's one of the minor issues, along with working on the Sabbath, women wearing trousers, anyone wearing mixed fibres, and eating shellfish.

If I were in your shoes I'd distance myself from him until he gets the message. Stop entertaining his constant calls. He either accepts your family as they are, or you cut off the opportunity for him to potentially cause damage. Has your DS noticed his attitude?

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