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my 17 year old DD told me she's asexual

(15 Posts)
CaptainStrange78 Tue 24-Mar-15 21:29:17

My 17 year old DD has just told me she thinks she is asexual. She was very frank about it and told me she's never felt attracted to anybody physically and doubts she ever will. I don't know what to think, I know she wants kids at some point but how can she have them if she's asexual? I'm worried that she'll spend her life alone without the family that she wants. Is anybody facing a similar situation? What does asexual even mean?

zippey Tue 24-Mar-15 21:43:19

Not sure what asexual means, only in terms of the amoeba, where it devides in two the four etc to reproduce.

I'd accept what she says, support her and not make it a big deal. She is 17, she will go through a lot of changes in the next 20 years. It sounds like she is trying to find an identity in the way goths and tattooed people do.

I would try not to worry. It's probably a phase. It sounds like she finds boys and men unattractive, it might be down to their immature behaviour. It could also be her way of saying she is gay. All in all just support her and be happy for what makes her happy.

ShiningBright Tue 24-Mar-15 21:58:26

Asexual is a form of sexuality that is gaining more recognition as more people identify with it and people who identify as asexual want the same recognition as lgbt or straight people. It is not the same as low libido, i.e. It doesn't need fixing. Her sexuality may change but saying to an asexual person that they may grow out of it or they just need to find the right person is as insulting and undermining as saying this to an lgbt person. You need to accept where she's at with this. Of course she can have children! She may have intimate relationships but choose not to have sex. She will make her own choices in this- there are. I rules. It must be confusing and potentially upsetting, but read up on a sexuality and support her.

ShiningBright Tue 24-Mar-15 21:59:21

I meant - there are no rules!

Fleecyleesy Tue 24-Mar-15 22:00:18

Just support her. She can still have children if that is what she wants.

IrenetheQuaint Tue 24-Mar-15 22:05:45

Agree with everyone else - just support her. Her feelings may change in the future (quite a few women, including me, are late developers sexually), or they may not.

Even if she does remain asexual that doesn't mean she will spend her life alone! There are lots of fulfilling ways to live that don't involve the stereotypical married-with-children stereotype.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Tue 24-Mar-15 22:08:11

Support her. There is no real downside at this point, nothing to be sad about or to want to change her mind about.

She may want a romantic or companionate but asexual relationship in the future - it'll be much easier to find someone compatible nowadays with the help of the Internet. Having children will be no more difficult than for a lesbian daughter. Honestly of all the revelations a teenager could make, this is one of the least worrying. And yes of course she could even change her mind: people do, but don't say that to her and don't pin any hopes on it.

CaptainStrange78 Tue 24-Mar-15 22:33:38

Thanks for the replies they've really helped. I'll make sure she knows I'm there for her. I think I panicked because I know how badly she wants children in the future, we were talking about baby names yesterday, and my first thought was she'd lose that.

glittertits Tue 24-Mar-15 22:48:00

Lots of couples (and single parents come to think of it) conceive children without having sex.

Just support your DD. No one knows what the future will bring, but you must dismiss her feelings a phase or youthful ignorance.

Asexual people can and do live very fulfilling lives, with families, partners and friends.

glittertits Tue 24-Mar-15 22:48:54

Captain - have just seen your last post. You can have children without having sexual intercourse. Being asexual does not meet that a woman cannot be a mother, so you need not worry.

CaptainStrange78 Wed 25-Mar-15 07:10:29

Thank you glittertits that's really put my mind at ease.

IICasparII Mon 12-Oct-15 16:49:58

I have quite a few friends who are on the LGBTQ+ spectrum and when it comes to sexuality and who you're attracted to I've learned that everybody has exceptions and most people don't have the same sexuality their whole life. So I wouldn't worry about her never being on relationships or having children

Loopsdefruits Sun 15-May-16 09:08:01

I know this is a super old thread, but as an asexual in her mid twenties I thought I'd share my own experience. I began to identify as ace when I was in my early twenties, mostly because before that I didn't know it existed. I don't experience sexual attraction to anyone of any gender. I also don't experience libido that I've noticed (although this varies from asexual to asexual). Your DD isn't destined to be alone though smile there are opportunities to develop romantic (not sexual) relationships or even compromise with a partner in regard to sex. Children can happen in various ways and your DD can choose to have a baby on her own with donor IUI or if she's seeing someone she'd likely qualify for assisted reproduction due to her sexuality. Love and support her, she's made a brave step in coming out smile

GinnyAndTonic Thu 28-Jul-16 14:40:30

Not many people know this but, there is a difference between aromantic and asexual. Asexual is not feeling sexual attraction and not having the desire for sexual contact. This does not mean she won't have romantic relationships and she could still get married and have kids if that's what she wants. As said before, there are no rules. wink

EliCon Tue 13-Sep-16 12:10:25

I am thinking that she just hasn't met the right person for her to 'feel' anything she told you about. Right now we don't know much about what her friends are like and what her life, i.e. is she sociable, going out with people, or does she prefer to sit home reading or doing something else? These are all factors that could lead to her telling you what she did.

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