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16 and gay . help and advice please?

(20 Posts)
oliver16 Wed 05-Nov-14 14:10:19

Hello, im not a mum but had this website and netmums recommended to me by my friends mum. I came out to my mum and dad at the end if the summer holidays and they've refused to accept it. They won't even speak about it and they're hardly talking to me.
I'm not allowed on Facebook etc and my internet is monitored. The only chance I getis here at my friends house.
I just really want to talk to someone who knows what I'm going through or if anyone has any advice on how to deal with my parents?

Thanks so much

secretsquirrels Wed 05-Nov-14 15:00:05

oliver16 I am so sorry that your parents haven't reacted well to you coming out. Do you have an aunt or other relative you could talk to? I guess you have talked to the friend's mum who recommended this site . Might she talk to your parents?

Madcatgirl Wed 05-Nov-14 15:02:29

Have you tried someone like stonewall? They will probably be able to if not help,you point you in the direction of appropriate counselling.

You were brave to come out and your mum and dad will just have to accept it. You are who you are and ignoring only hurts you for which I'm sorry for you.

I hope they learn to accept you and move on with your lives.

Good luck

oliver16 Wed 05-Nov-14 15:55:19

Thank you both so much for replying smile I have sent an email to stone wall! I don't think I need councelling though? I really wanted to know if there are any mums on here who might be able to help me with my parents? I have no idea what to say or do! They barely acknowledge me!? Is there anyone on here I could speak to? I feel so trapped because I'm reliant on my mum to drive me anywhere. I don't think I've ever met another gay person I my life!!!

oliver16 Wed 05-Nov-14 15:56:07

Oh I forgot there isn't anyone apart from my friend I can speak to. Her mum is scared of my mum, I think everyone is!!!

Madcatgirl Wed 05-Nov-14 15:59:13

Sorry I meant for you parents, not you. smile

Madcatgirl Wed 05-Nov-14 16:02:39

There is actually a board on here for Parents of LGBT children and LGBT parents too, ask on there and I know you'll get someone to talk to there.

oliver16 Wed 05-Nov-14 16:07:09

Thank you! Ill have a look! Haha my.parents definitely need counselling! Thank you so much smile

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 05-Nov-14 17:27:08

Hi oliver16 - sorry to hear you're going through a tough time at the moment. We've got some content about our campaign with Stonewall which may be of some use. Hope you're able to find some form of help and support in real life. Wishing you the very best.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 05-Nov-14 17:38:13

We're also going to move your thread to a more appropriate topic.

Fierceflora Wed 05-Nov-14 17:53:21

Hi oliver16, I'm a mum with a gay ds (also called Oliver and also 16 do that's weirded me out a bit confusedgrin! I am do sorry to hear your parents haven't been supportive, it must have taken great courage for you to come out to them so jolly well done, brilliant that you have been able to do so at your age and not have to 'live a lie' for years on end. For me, and my husband , it wasn't a shock at all when ds came out (at 12!) as we felt we had 'known' all his life and were almost just waiting for him to discover it if you see what I mean! I do know though that many parents just have No clue at all, like their child's sexuality isn't even on their radar, and poss if it is then they just 'assume' their child will be straight. I guess in that situation, it would be harder for them to get their head around and once they've done that I would hope they'd be fine. They probfeel like they need to adjust how they perceived your future to be. At the end of the day thoug that's exactly it- YOUR future and your life, your parents will love you and will want you to be happy, it's prob just been a shock. And hopefully they will come round and you can discuss it with them if that's what you want to do. There may also be some teen support groups in your local area, there certainly is in our city and ds did go to it for some time, basically a LGBT youth group which I know a lot of the kids found really useful. I don't think I've been very helpful but just wanted to say well done, good luck and be patient, they'll come round cx

Fierceflora Wed 05-Nov-14 19:12:58

Poo. Have I killed the thread?!

Looseleaf Wed 05-Nov-14 19:20:44

FierceFlora It sounded like maybe OP can't use the Internet freely and might need privacy at his friend's for this. I'm glad you've given him this advice and impressed to he's been brave and honest. Wishing you all the best OP and sad for you when you could do with family support.

Fierceflora Wed 05-Nov-14 19:27:53

Oh yes of course. You're absolutely right looseleaf. Hadn't thought of that. Good luck OP, let us know how you get on with your parents x

oliver16 Wed 05-Nov-14 20:05:09

Your son is so lucky Fierceflora smile

My mum said its prob best if i don't go home tonight so im staying here. I don't really know what I'm doing everything seems so difficult!!!

I sort of feel like they will never come round. How did you react?? I live in a village i don't think there are any groups but i'll have a look as id love to meet some people who actually understand! smile

Fierceflora Wed 05-Nov-14 20:35:40

You're not going home??? sadsad I just can't understand that reaction from your mum at all. It's just totally alien to me. Do you have any brothers or sisters you could talk to or who might be able to talk to your parents on your behalf? Are you still at school? How about talking to a counsellor there? Just to maybe get some advice on how to deal with the situation.

In my mind your mum is perhaps an older mum who has lived a very sheltered life. Are they religious? That would complicate her feelings i guess. Feel free to pm me back whenever you like for some virtual support (disclaimer- though I only have my own and my sons experience to go on!)

Have a good evening with your friend, tomorrow is a new day and may bring conversation and discussion with your mum and dad cx

bette06 Sun 07-Dec-14 23:54:23

Hope things are okay with you, Oliver. I've only just seen this thread but you could try contacting FFLAG (Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) or looking at the resources on their website.

grumpasaur Mon 08-Dec-14 00:13:43

Hi, where are you based?

catsofa Mon 08-Dec-14 00:49:19

Hi Oliver, hope you're ok.

Until recently I worked with young people, and from time to time we would meet people who had been kicked out of their family home when their parents found out that they were gay. I'm so sorry if this might be happening to you.

It is something that people are aware of though, so if you could not go back home and you went to your local council and explained what had happened, they should be able to help you to find somewhere else to live, at least temporarily, if that's what you need. You might not be the first person they have met in a similar situation.

The national phone number for the Lesbian and Gay Switchboard is (0207) 837 7324, they provide information and advice for anyone LGBT who needs it and they could probably tell you about services in your area where people could help you talk to your parents, decide what to do, apply for housing, claim money to live on, sort out college, whatever you need really. They answer the phone 24 hours a day, so call any time.

In my experience parents do usually come round, but it can take some time so first priority is to make sure you are safe, have people to talk to and feel ok. Then who knows, your parents might just need a day or two to get their heads around it before they realise how wrong their reaction was at first and are ready to apologise to you. There isn't much you can do but give them time I don't think, it isn't you who needs to change!

Best of luck!

CormoranStrike Mon 08-Dec-14 19:07:22

Hi Oliver, hope you are doing okay.

I have a gay DS who is 21, he came out at 18 to us, to his friends a few years earlier.

Feel free to ask any questions of me as a parent if you wish.

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