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I need to get a grip and hope you can help

(5 Posts)
Worldturnedupsidedown999 Mon 16-Dec-13 14:06:21

My teenage son has told me he want to explore his gender identity and to try dressing as a girl to see if this is something he enjoys and is comfortable with.
This has come out of the blue, nothing in the past has indicated this, really nothing!
I am in shock and am trying to get my head round this so I can be supportive but I am really, really struggling. I am not a bigot or homophobic but I really have a problem with this. I feel like my son is not the boy I have raised, that I have let him down somehow and me being upset about this now is also letting him down.
I have had a pretty rough year and just as things were getting better this happens and my world is turned upside down again. I know as his mum I need to get over my problem with this but I need some help with it please.

MrsShh Mon 16-Dec-13 15:15:34

I think it is a testament to your parenting that he felt able to confide in you. It must be a very confusing time for you both and talking to each other will help get you through the difficult period ahead. He isn't saying this is the future he definitely wants, but needs to find out. I can't really tell you anything you won't already know, he will need support and respect. You haven't let him down by being shocked and confused, no doubt he's been mulling this over for a long time so has had much more time to process it. Just be there for him. Remember that he trusted you with this for a reason. Good luck for the journey ahead x

DoctorTwoTurtleDoves Mon 16-Dec-13 19:14:03

You haven't let your son down at all. In fact, as MrsShh said it's a testament to your parenting that he was able to talk to you about it. I read this article by Paris Lees, who I'd never heard of until today and hope it's helpful to you. All the best. thanks

Worldturnedupsidedown999 Tue 17-Dec-13 10:31:04

Thank you for your kind words but I feel very overwhelmed by it and he said yesterday he wished he hadn't told me and in a way I wish he hadn't either. It is selfish if me I know but I want my boy back that I love and am so proud of, I don't want to think about him dressed in a dress and with makeup on, he would be a stranger to me like that. I have got cross with him about it and he doesn't like it and I know I need to be accepting but it is so fucking hard. My ex, his dad is taking it in his stride and can't understand why I am struggling with it which isn't helping me but is helping my son so. Should be grateful for that. I feel very alone with it all.

beals692 Sat 21-Dec-13 20:59:46

Maybe getting in contact with other parents dealing with similar issues would help. Have you seen this website?: I don't have personal experience of the organisation but it looks like it might be helpful for both of you. Wishing you both all the best.

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