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My son's just come out!

(34 Posts)
belcantwait Sun 03-Jul-11 12:02:38

am so proud and happy for him. He seems happy and confident smile)) that's all really just wanted to share the lovegrin

apatchylass Fri 03-May-13 22:16:51

Actually Orellia, I can see how it might be a case for pride and rallying, even in today's more open society. Because natural assumptions are that people will be heterosexual. And it is a little dismissive to assume he doesn't know yet. I knew I was heterosexual from about age 3. Couldn't put a name to it, but felt different cuddling male relatives, had a different response to seeing a stunning man from my physical response to seeing a stunning woman.

OP, I'm intrigued he's 'known' for 2 years, as my 10, almost 11 year old has just told me he thinks he's gay and I was a bit stunned by the complexity of how well he'd thought this through and why he thought it. he seems too young to be sexually aware in any way, and yet the romantic banter has begun at school.

I feel a bit worried for him. Unlike you, I hadn't a clue.

BrainGoneAwol Sat 05-Jan-13 20:05:12

Don't be hard on yourself, it's a huge thing to name yourself as gay and it may well be that he wasn't confident or sure that he wanted to claim that identity for himself until now.
Similarly he may have worried that he would upset you. Not because you disapprove but because you might blame yourself. It surprising how responsible children can feel for their parents happiness.

In time he may be able to tell you why he took a while but in the meantime keep doing what you are. You sound wonderfully supportive and close. smile

For the record I came out to my mum when I was 32! We are incredibly close, but I hadn't realised it about myself; though in hindsight it was obvious - Noone was surprised but me! There can be many reasons.

abdnshaz Sat 05-Jan-13 19:36:34

hi im new here so excuse me if i post something in the wrong place lol , My DS has just came out also , he is 15 and a half , i am very proud of him but i am a bit upset at myself .... he has been unhappy for years and couldnt come and talk to me about his feelings , i knew he was upset obviously but just put it down to sulky teens ... im a single parent of two and always thought we were close , now he has came out him himself is a lot happier and feels a sence of relief .. i on the other hand feel like i have let him down somehow .
what is the best way to shake this feeling off ? i guess being a parent always comes with guilt ....thanks abdnshaz xx

TinySarah Wed 09-May-12 11:39:28

I remember when my brother came out. It was really hard on him and my parents too, although they have been really supportive since. Other education and other mentality, I guess. It's nice to read experiences such as those on this thread, it makes you think the world is really showing signs of progression, which may be harder to notice in everyday life.

BigBadWolf33 Wed 25-Apr-12 18:49:31


tectime Fri 06-Apr-12 07:39:15

I have recently joined the my company's LGBT group, as a means of embracing diversity more. I have been pilloried for my dated views on LG issues, on MN, and I have gained a better understanding though the LGBT.
My point is that those posters who want to know more can also benefit by seeking out LGBT groups where they can have face to face contact with others.

suzy82 Fri 30-Mar-12 17:11:19

I've just been directed to these LGBT threads after my 14 year old son told me he was gay and, TBH, with my son it has not been obvious at all, even though we are very close. I think being supportive is the best thing we as parents can do and the world is a very different place these days, thank God. I love him whatever. So good to have contact with other parents in the same situation.

Bossybritches22 Thu 02-Feb-12 00:16:32

OP, you sound a wonderful and supportive Mum and I'd be proud to have that close and loving relationship if I had a son too.

The fact that he can confide in you and have his feelings validated and lovingly accepted by his family will help him feel he can be proud of himself for being who he is whatever path it takes him down.

It will also make lifes battles that little bit easier!

lisaro Thu 02-Feb-12 00:15:44

It's lovely he can happily be himself. And yes, people do sometimes know so early, and even earlier, so ignore the poster further up the thread.

GashInTheAttic Thu 02-Feb-12 00:08:06

And the OP should be proud that her son has the confidence and support and love to feel safe to be open about who he is.

GashInTheAttic Thu 02-Feb-12 00:06:11

I knew i wasn't gay before i had had any sexual contact.

DS2 knew he was gay before he had.

GashInTheAttic Thu 02-Feb-12 00:03:52

Being gay isn't exactly the same as a career choice Orellia.hmm

UnlikelyAmazonian Sat 21-Jan-12 19:56:31

Orellia, you're a right barrel of laughs hmm

Can't you just piss on someone's chips elsewhere? hmm

specialmagiclady Wed 21-Dec-11 08:01:11

Don't know if you remember being 12? Seething hormones, lots of sexual feelings, endless kissing of posters on the one hand. Wanting boyfriends/girlfriends even if you don't know what you want to do with them. On the other, people at school using "gay" to mean "rubbish". To know that you want Same sex relationships, and to be happy about it and able to talk to your parents about it is something to be celebrated! Hoping - if my hunch is correct - to be in the same position in 6 or 7 years!

Orellia Thu 06-Oct-11 09:20:32

It's as abstracted from his actual life as a career choice.
If he's already had sexual contact, then I genuinely think it comes down to child-like 'sex play' and if he hasn't then it's idly speculation relating to an over sexualization of a child who doesn't even need to consider concepts like that.
How he feels now is essentially meaningless because he hasn't even gone through puberty yet. If he's confident and self-assured right in the middle of puberty, that would be wonderful, but he isn't. He's confident and self-assured at 12, declaring things based on introspection that he shouldn't have been doing in the first place.

SamMiguel Thu 06-Oct-11 00:36:27

Orellia, hardly the same thing, particularly as the op says they have 'known' for many years. It isn't a career choice. I know that many teenagers are bi-curious but would you tell your hetero teen to wait and see because they might start fancying the same sex? This is how he feels in the here and now, the op is not marrying him off into a life-long civil partnership. She is merely accepting that this is how he feels. I'm sure if, in years to come, he decided he was bi or even hetero, she would be equally proud that he is able to be honest with her.

SamMiguel Thu 06-Oct-11 00:31:40

I don't think the op is saying she is proud that her son is gay, more that she is proud that he is able to be honest with himself and with her about something which, for such a young teen, must be quite difficult to admit, even in this day and age. She is proud of who he is and proud that he is able to be proud of who he is. I hope that at 13, my sons will be so self-assured.

Orellia Thu 06-Oct-11 00:29:53

As would I, but I'd still also tell them that they're 12 and that there is no need to decide or confirm one's sexuality at that age. Surely it's as accurate as him telling you he intends to be a lawyer.

Arkady Thu 06-Oct-11 00:29:23

I too would be proud of having a such a sorted happy kid and a great relationship with him.

IHeartKingThistle Thu 06-Oct-11 00:10:18

I would be proud if I had a 12 year old who could talk to me about something like that in such a positive way.

Orellia Wed 05-Oct-11 23:50:45

Doesn't pride connote that you'd be less proud if that wasn't the case?
Homosexuality isn't a cause for pride, just a cause for acceptance. It is no 'great event', it's just something that was once indeterminate that is now known; it is not a talking point, or standard to rally around.

BeauBelles Wed 13-Jul-11 15:07:13

oh thanks for that. Sorry I have genuinely never seen it.

reelingintheyears Wed 13-Jul-11 15:06:19


BeauBelles Wed 13-Jul-11 15:05:30

what is LGBT excuse my ignorance, after all these years on mn i have never noticed.

Great that your son felt relaxed and confident enough to talk to you, and at such an awkward age too.

reelingintheyears Wed 13-Jul-11 15:02:00 should be

My son 'came out' a couple of months ago when he was/is 16.

we had also always known..just from the way he is.

I was grin and [tears of pride]

Congratulations on being the parents you are.

An old friend came to stay with us last week who we hadn't seen for about 20 years..he is gay and was delighted that our Ds was able to be himself, unlike him who is now in his 60s and grew up when it was illegal.

I remember this chap getting beaten up once because a collegue where we worked (in a LD hospital ffs) said he had been 'looking at him.

How i hope times have changed.

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