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Would you make the first move?

(21 Posts)
Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 09:40:44

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 10:11:34

I personally would not.

The reason being that you have your DD's best interests at heart and pushing her to do something she didn't want to do would be unfair.

Secondly, he needs to make more of an effort to become involved in her life and that includes communicating with you, organising birthdays, christmasses. None of this can be done without an amicable relationship with you. making your daughter see him through solicitors letters wont gain here trust and the sooner he realises that the better.

Was it a messy break up???

Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 10:16:00

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 10:43:30

In that case, I would try and protect your daughter as much as possible from him doing that and let him continue in his own little world of court appearances and solicitors.

At the end of the day, if he has been approved visitation rights why has he only seend DD 6 times???

Are they supervised visits for a reason? Have you stopped him from having more visits?? If the answer is No then I would seriously start to question the point of his campaign!!! If it was really a bid to see his DD why hasn't he turned up on your doorstep demanding to see her. I know I would if I felt someone was keeping me away from my child!

horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 10:48:07

Furthermore I would ridicle his constant letters by writing back to the solicitor quoting what the court said about speaking to each other and put "so if he wishes to take this any further, I welcome any form of personal contact from him and should I hear otherwise I consider this matter closed". I would also point out that you find it amusing that he spending money on solicitors when he could be putting that money towards days out for him and DD if only he bothered to make contact. then I would just tell the solicitor that you will no longer be responding to their letters and it is now in EX DP's hands.

Then he has a choice and you have a copy of that letter should he try to take it to court again!

gigglinggoblin Tue 21-Jun-05 10:56:58

i think i would be seeing my own solicitor if i were you to see if you can stop him harassing you like this. he clearly has no interest in your dd, if he wants contact he can suggest something sensible. sounds to me like he just wants to annoy you and there should be something the court can do to stop it

Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 11:11:22

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 11:23:35

18K is so much money.

As long as you make it look that you made contact with his DD accessible then no court in the land is going to waste time accomodating further claims from him.

Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 13:13:15

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 13:49:43

Through a letter to his solicitor,

For eg,

"Dear .......

Further to your recent letter, I would like to reiterate my posistion in considering the access rights that ex dp is attempting to enforce.

Ex Dp has continued to make attempts to see his DD through the courts and now through you over a course of three years and to date has not contacted myself directly to discuss suitable arrangements.As it is, I decline the proposal that ex DP have DD overnight on a regular basis

However, I do believe that it is in my daughters best interests to have contact with her father and for that ex DP and I come to an amicable arragement for him to see and get to know DD and I do not believe that 6 supervised visits qualify my ex DP to have my daughter overnight. However, if and when ex DP contacts me to make such arrangements, we can also discuss the possibility of this in future should my daughter so wish.

.................

I think if you say something like this, no-one can say you are being unfair

Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 13:52:06

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 14:04:06

I agree with your DH completely.

However, my only concern would be, without something in writing from you shown to be sent to his solicitor, Ex DP can make all sorts of stuff up to give a reason why he didn't or felt he contact you. I mean he could anyway but evidence of letters would make it much harder for him IYKWIM.

Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 14:06:37

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 14:07:47

What I mean by that is he can say he is attempting to contact you by using a solicitor and that you have ignored all attempts by him.

As for not contacting you direct, he could start saying things like "her DH threatened me so I had no choice but to use a solicitor" (is it possible he would resort to this?)

If you have proof that you have tried to respond to him, wheres his argument????

horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 14:12:02

Sorry posts crossed.

It's not your fault and when DD is older your ex Dp is going to realise he has made a grave mistake.

It sounds to me like he is out to get you as opposed to his interest in his DD. Does DD realise what is going on?

Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 14:12:41

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 14:18:02

If you do that, keep the text and never delete it as proof.

If it wasn't causing you and your family so much pain and anguish, i'd be tempted to let him continue paying his solicitor!!!!!

How would you feel letting him have regular access after so long????

Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 14:20:39

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 14:38:06

i think I would feel the same as you and it must be hard for DH to sudddenly have ex dp turn up when DH has brought her up as his own.

In that case wouldn't make the first move in that case. Try and stall it for as long as possible. Just send a quick letter to solicitor saying as per courts instructions I will no longer be dealing with you and ex Dp is welcome to contact me direct. I still think you need to reply to that letter otherwise it could give them a renewed claim somehow IYKWIM.

Mosschops30 Tue 21-Jun-05 15:05:13

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horseshoe Tue 21-Jun-05 15:26:10

Bless him, sounds like you have good support!

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