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DP has asked me to loan him or invest £££; in his/our house - but its complicated. Advice please!

(16 Posts)
iwantone Mon 26-Oct-09 13:39:40

My partner - with whom I am shortly expecting our first child - is doing up his house (or our house as he says). I moved in with him last year, we have been together just two years, it is his house, his mortgage, in his name etc and he pays the mortgage. Since I moved in I pay a few hundred pounds on bills and food but he will support me while on maternity leave and bringing up our child until I I go back to work.
He is financing a big refurb on the property with money left to him by his father. But he is around £40k short.
I have £35k in the bank from selling my house last year after my previous relationship failed. That money was the deposit on my flat and was given to me by my father - I feel lucky to have gotten it back after house prices plummeted in the recession. It's now sat in a bank not doing much but is my only financial security. I own nothing, and have no pension etc.
He was going to simply go to the bank for it but is now asking whether I would consider loaning him the money or investing it in the house with a legal agreement to protect me. He - not unreasonably - feels he's putting in everything to us, and that the house is for us a family, and that comes with all the shared costs/risks that go with that.
I don't know what to do but feel uncomfortable since I have already been burnt once, and do not have the protection of marriage. My parents feel that as we are not married, DP is not fully committed to me (he says we will get married in future, and I want to very much which he knows, but he has not asked me). Therefore I think they will advise against this.
One person has advised me to consider a "second charge" on his mortgage... so I would put the monies into the house. When we came to sell I would get those monies back. But that depends on there being enough equity in the house, and that he agrees to sell/we are able to sell down the line.
Help!

skihorse Mon 26-Oct-09 13:58:38

Is it possible that you can "give" him this money in lieu of your name going on the deeds? It seems to be you are rightly cautious having been through "all of this before" - I think it's only sensible. Whilst I hope for only the best possible outcome for this relationship you wouldn't be the first woman in the world to hand over their cash...

WideWebWitch Tue 27-Oct-09 13:05:45

Hmm. So:

His house
His mortgage and equity
Your joint child
No marriage

Sorry but no way would I be putting my cash into his house unless:

you marry
your name goes on the deeds

Because he seems to be asking you for a financial commitment without being prepared to give one in return.

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom Tue 27-Oct-09 13:08:22

wickedwaterwitch is spot on.

Pumpkinbummum Tue 27-Oct-09 13:09:23

Can you not get your name put on the deeds?

wicked Tue 27-Oct-09 13:10:32

Get married and you will then know where you stand in the relationship.

mylovelymonster Tue 27-Oct-09 13:11:56

Seems a bit too complicated. Why go down route of drawing up legal agreements when you could go down the reg office and be legally married for £150 with the added protection that would give you and your child?

If it feels odd to you and you're uncomfortable with his suggestion then don't do it.

monkeysavingexpertdotcom Tue 27-Oct-09 13:13:08

Agree - I wouldn't contemplate doing what he's asking without 1) feeling more sure about his commitment to me and 2) having my name on the deeds.

LauraIngallsWilder Tue 27-Oct-09 13:15:47

I agree if you love each other and want to stay together - get married and put your name on the deeds

THen and only then invest

NancyBotwin Tue 27-Oct-09 13:16:43

See call me old-fashioned but I always struggle to understand how someone can be fine to embark on a lifelong commitment like having a child with someone but is reluctant to get married (when the other person wants to). Not being keen on a big wedding I can understand but just to nip down to the registry office?

I agree with WWW...

exexpat Tue 27-Oct-09 13:17:36

You can get a second charge put on the house so that there is a legal record of your entitlement - but the main mortgage lender still has first rights, so if house prices drop, and there is negative equity, you would still lose out.

You also (I think) have to get permission from or at least notify the mortgage lender, and they will not necessarily be happy with it.

Also, the legal stuff does cost - I lent a family member some money towards a house and had a second charge put on it, but it cost me well over a thousand pounds in legal bills. Marriage licence might be rather cheaper wink.

monkeysavingexpertdotcom Tue 27-Oct-09 13:30:52

Also - I may have misinterpreted this and I'm sorry if I have, but the way you post suggests one of you think he's doing you a favour by "supporting" you and your child until you go back to work - yep, that's what happens in a partnership - and:

"He - not unreasonably - feels he's putting in everything to us, and that the house is for us a family, and that comes with all the shared costs/risks that go with that."

But when working you pay bills and buy food? And what's with waiting for him to propose? I'd ask him - then you'll know.
Last thing - do you agree the house needs refurbishing? That should be a joint decision if you;re putting money in, surely.

Just a few things that niggled about your post.

mylovelymonster Tue 27-Oct-09 15:16:09

...plus the effort and investment is going into the house - HIS house. I don't see what risks he is taking?
Am hoping his feelings will change when the baby arrives........

There are deeper questions I'd ask about your relationship, but feel that would be intruding.

Lulumama Tue 27-Oct-09 15:19:52

he is putting an awful lot of money into the house, well, a lot of your money too.

why not suggest refurbing it up to the limit of money he has got, then selling and using the equity and your money as a deposit on a new family home, after you get married?

if he is not keen to get married, i'd not be keen to give him the only money and security you have

you feel uncomfortable, and i would listen to that gut feeling

you must get independent legal advice before agreeing to anything

thereluctantrobin Tue 27-Oct-09 15:57:05

If the house isn't going to be a truly joint venture based on you being each other's life partners (and it doesn't sound as though your dp wants it to be that), then treat it like any other investment.

You haven't had your baby yet, so you can't be sure if you really will want to go back to work full time later on (or be able to). Having that cash could be a lifeline in a few months time - tying it up in the house so it's inaccessible could be a big mistake.

You've also got no pension and this house may not be the best place to invest the money for long-term growth and security.

Personally I would steer clear. The very fact that your dp hasn't offered to put your name on the deeds in return for this (or even just because you're going to be having a child together) would ring a warning bell for me. It would make me even more determined to keep a backup fund of my own cash available in case I needed to move on.

If he's not willing to have his financial resources - the ownership of the house - shared with you (and it could be tenants in common with you only having a smaller percentage), then I think the last thing you should be doing is getting your only proper financial asset tied up in something that's in his name only.

iwantone Wed 28-Oct-09 18:19:15

brilliant advice - most grateful to all of you....

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