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I want to leave my dh but am financially dependant on him and need advice

(10 Posts)
wherefromhere Tue 11-Aug-09 14:14:52

We have been married for 9 years and together for 12. We have 2 dcs aged 7 and almost 2.

I won't go into the reasons i want to split as it will take all day sad
Dh works overseas and can easily disappear, something i feel sure he will do should i end the marriage.
I left a well paid job 2 years ago when dd was born. I am due to start a new job in Sept which is temporary to begin with for the school year.
Here goes, we have a home in both our names with a huge mortgage costing us £900 a month. Obviously there are also the running costs etc.
Years ago Dh got himself behind with the tax man and we had to take a loan out together for £25,000 to pay this back. I also stupidly took a credit card out in my name only to pay the mortgage each month when dh was out of work for 8 months. I owe £9,000 on this.
Dh earns good money and we have been steadily getting slightly ahead each month.
However life has become unbearable with him both for me and the children and i am now left with no option but to end the marriage.
I know him very well and i feel sure that once i do this he will not discuss it and will stay away at work and not send me any money.
My job will nowhere near pay enough to cover all my outgoings.
I worried that when he goes i won't be able to pay anything plus won't be able to sell the house as it's in both our names.
Any advice would be appreciated..
PS ive also posted this in relationships.

babybarrister Tue 11-Aug-09 22:02:04

get yourself a good solicitor from Resolution which is solicitors family law association - they have a website and list by region and also who offers legal aid. you will need to provide full details of all assets, pensions, liabilities etc

good luck

wherefromhere Tue 11-Aug-09 22:11:42

baby thank you.

Spero Tue 11-Aug-09 22:20:53

Don't worry, its usually irrelevant whether or not the house is in joint/single names, it is an asset of the marriage so will go into the 'pot' to be divided by the court if you can't reach agreement with him.

Unless he disappears overseas it is difficult to see how he could completely evade his reponsibilities.

The court will start from looking at a 50/50 division of marital assets but this starting point will then need to be looked at against the issues of what you need and your responsibilities etc.

For eg, if there isn't enough money to fund two separate houses, the parent who ends up being primary carer of the children will take priority.

as bb says, best starting point is to get a good solicitor. they will help you to try and resolve things without going to court (which is always stressful and always expensive) but court is the last resort if he won't play ball.

NanaNina Wed 12-Aug-09 10:43:28

Try your local CAB - they are the frontrunners in dealing with debt problems. You may well need a solicitor too but CAB I think could be your first port of call. Take details of debt etc with you which will help the advisor.

Congratulations for deciding to leave - very wise and brave and this must be the first step on the road to recovery. The money will sort in the end though it may well mean a change in life style.

Good luck and take care of you and your children

babybarrister Wed 12-Aug-09 16:37:19

Sorry to disagree with NN but I really think a solicitor rather than CAB should be your first port of call - CAB very good at sorting out benefits issues but as far as maintenance on interim measure and rotecting your interest in property which is not in your name - you need a lawyer. of course once you have protected yourself you can also make an agreement with X or try mediation - Resolution also lists qualified family mediators - much cheaper than litigation but you will have needed to have seen a lawyer first in any event IMO

babybarrister Wed 12-Aug-09 16:38:11

sorry just re-read property in both names but my advice still stands re seeing lawyer asap

wherefromhere Wed 12-Aug-09 22:08:12

Thank you to all. We are due to fly on our family holiday on Friday. H is not coming but i have decided to take the children alone as H is not due back at work until sept and the atmosphere is taking it's toll on ds who is very confused. My friends have rallied round to provide some spending money.
As soon as we return i will be seeing a solicitor asap.

thesouthsbelle Wed 12-Aug-09 22:12:12

in addition to this, please copy all legal papers - ie what his wages are, savings you have deeds to the house etc etc, if you can as well try to get access to some of the money in your joint account. put verything in an envelope and give it to a friend along with passports upon your return.

Talk to the C?B & T?C's abotu getting payments made into your bank account already if they're not already done so, this way you'll at least have some 'ready cash' even if it's not very much.

Spero Thu 13-Aug-09 11:53:40

If it does go to court, remember he is under a legal obligation to provide full and frank disclosure of ALL his assets, so if he is working, it is very easy to get proof of salary, bonuses, etc, etc. If he arses around and delays, you can get penal notices attached to orders and threats of imprisonment, which usually gets them moving.

However, it could be more complicated if he works overseas and/or works for himself. then it is simplier easier to hide assets.

To be honest, if you are really worried that he might not co-operate and will simply disappear, I wonder whether a holiday now is the right thing and whether you ought not to see a solicitor as a matter of urgency, or at least get some advice before you go. There are ways of protecting assets which are in his name alone while you decide how you are going to divide everything up.

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