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how can I do everything to try and get ex p see the children and not mess us around? Cafcass?

(2 Posts)
Meglet Fri 10-Jul-09 15:03:10

Me and ex P split up at the start of the year. We have a 2.7yo and a 10mo old. He had been abusive and aggressive to me for a long time and I decided to end it. Since we split I have involved the police 3 times and he has been cautioned for harrasment (verbal and via phone / text).

However he is calm with the children but I am coming to the end of my tether trying to get him to see the dc's regularly. Last month we agreed on Tues & Thurs bedtime, Fri afternoon, Sat afternoon, Sun morning and bedtime, he lives close by. He has blown his top when I have had to change a couple of visits as me and the children have had another appointment that we couldn't change and we were running very late from an outing another day. He went on holiday for a week and I just kept my mouth shut, I appreciate that as he's single he does have a life of his own. He doesn't think I should ever do anything else on the times he see's the children in the week, but once in a blue moon something will crop up.

We had attended Relate when still a couple and I wanted to try it again at the start of the year - he refused, I saw a family mediation counsellor and solicitor to find out how we should agree when he can see the children - he has refused to go ahead with family mediation.

Now I have been told the CAFCASS might be able to help, has anyone used them? I really don't know what to do next, and also want to do everything possible to keep the peace, make sure the dc's stay in touch with him NS cover my backside and make sure he doesn't think I'm keeping the children away from him.

That was longer than I expected, sorry, my brain is a bit frazzled as I have a lot on my plate at the moment!

cestlavielife Fri 10-Jul-09 16:46:11

if he wont do family mediation - do you think he will speak with CAFCASS?

why waste your time forcing him to see them ? if he wont he wont? give him once a week and see if he can stick with that?

so long as it regular and often i dont think kids will miss out.

give your local CAFCASS office a call and ssee how it works and what they propose eg meeting with you separately or together or?

with me, CAFCASS been involved as was ordered to write a report... CAFCASS officer does act as a kind of "go between" but encourages us to sort it out between us - but that doesnt work because he goes off on one.

we ahve court hearing coming up - he keeps syaing "mediation" but i dont trust him - i did speak to the mediator he proposed and she is nuts! she didnt get my situation at all (abuse, violence involved too) - and i hate anyone who refers to my children as "kiddies2 as in "think of the kliddies in all this" ...

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