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Been disinherited and now turns out dad?s got dementia? what can I do?

(8 Posts)
auntyitaly Fri 19-Jun-09 12:02:46

Mum and Dad have made a will leaving half their estate outright to my DB and half in trust to his DC, with me, their only other child, getting the income from this trust for life. But there won?t be any income because their only asset is a house my SIL wants to live in. As a finale, I?m expected to care for both ageing parents. DB& co live abroad.

I was extremely shocked and hurt that I?ve effectively been disinherited. Mum wanted an equal deal, but Dad pushed hard for me not to get anything, which is bewildering. Even DB tried to cheer me up by pointing out that ?Dad doesn?t know what he?s doing?.

The will was signed about 18 months ago. Since then, it?s become abundantly clear that Dad is suffering from dementia. No official diagnosis, but by way of example, he?s now at the stage where he gets lost in the area they?ve lived in for 40 years, and frequently forgets my name/I?m his daughter/he has a daughter.

I?m being dumped with caring for them in their dotage, and give that I already do two jobs to make ends meet, am worried about the financial implications of being a carer.

Altho I?m no doctor, given how bad Dad is now, I suspect strongly he must have been afflicted when he made the will. Is there anything I can do about it?

ScummyMummy Fri 19-Jun-09 12:09:02

Your mum could change the will, perhaps? Can your brother talk to her if he agrees it's very unfair?

As a separate isssue, you could refuse the honour of being dotage looking-afterer. It's not compulsory to become a carer for aged parents and if you are not inclined/don't have capacity/time/etc your family will need to think again.

mumblechum Fri 19-Jun-09 12:10:41

It won't be just one will, they'll each have separate wills so if you think your dad will go first (who knows?) then your mum could now change her will. Your dad doesn't need to know anything about it.

ScummyMummy Fri 19-Jun-09 12:12:42

You could also ask his medical/social care team to assess his mental capacity to make a decision in this area.

theDreadPirateRoberts Fri 19-Jun-09 12:14:04

You need to see a solicitor, and talk to your mother more. It may also be that the family home will have to be sold to pay for care home fees. Proving that your father wasn't of sound mind when he made the will is going to be easier while you're still close the time it was made, if you can witnesses to come up with examples of his mental deterioration at the time.

So get to a solicitor, and good luck.

And as ScummyMummy says - it's not compulsory to be their main carer, especially if you physically and financially can't afford to do so.

titchy Fri 19-Jun-09 12:16:50

Does your mum recognise his possible dementia? Could she or you or your db take power of attorney and get the will changed. Assuming he died after your mum and this was the last will made you would have to have the will contested using his dementia as a reason, but you might have to persuade those that witnessed the will that he was suffering as they would effectively have signed to his mental ability to make the will.

As for being their main carer - why do you have to do it? Just refuse.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 21-Jun-09 02:25:50

Even if the worst comes to the worst, and your DB/his children inherit everything, your SIL will have to pay a market rent if she wants to live in the house.

I am surprised that your dad's will leaves everything to your DB/his DC - what happens to your mum if your dad dies first?

HerHonesty Sun 21-Jun-09 11:49:17

sorry, have you spoken to your father about this?

also is this if your mother's death preceeds your father's? what happens if he dies first? does it all go to her? if so then she could change will.

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