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My DH has asked for a trial separation What do I do?

(12 Posts)
2anddone Mon 01-Jun-09 19:25:09

Hi after 3 years of marriage my dh told me at the weekend he wants to have a trial separation. I am not sure what I am supposed to do, I can't afford to live on my own with 2 dc as we live off his money as I am a childminder but made a loss last year business has become so bad.
I don't know whether this will turn into a long term thing or not, we are trying to not upset the children so at the moment he is still living here but staying on the couch. He has agreed to continue to keep paying the mortgage and to pay off our joint credit cards as a form of maintenance for the children. I have to pay the water, electric and council tax which I really can't afford. He is taking my name off of the joint account as it is all his money really and I have my own personal account which these bills will come from. Is there any sort of help I can get, we currently get a little bit of Tax credits but do I have to tell them that we are having a trial separation even if he is on the couch or do I have to wait until we make a more permanent decision? Sorry I know I sound like I am being very matter of fact but it has been a long while coming and we have discussed it lots before so I have already come to terms with the separation, so I just need to get the money part sorted as I really don't know how I can afford being a single parent.

snigger Mon 01-Jun-09 19:30:48

For tax credit purposes, if you consider yourselves to be apart it doesn't matter if you live in the same house. Things to take into consideration are whether you eat together, do your own laundry and cooking, pay bills separately etc. If the separation ceases, you just have to call and end the single claim.

You may have additional entitlement to tax credits as a lone claimant - hope this helps on a practical level, and all the best - you appear to be trying to deal with this calmly and gracefully, and I'm sure this will have the effect you're hoping for re your kids.

skramble Mon 01-Jun-09 19:31:02

Do get advice on finances, you are right to be matter of fact, good chance to sort out the finances what ever happens,

he should be paying towards credit cards and paying maintenace, depends how much he will be paying off if he pays off the cards and witht he mortgage.

I found that with exH gone and finaces seperated I had half as much money coming in and twce as much in my purse. You need to look at what beneifits are availible to you. My tax credits take me up to a level where I can pay all my bills and my mortgage, I even buy food sometimes too wink,

you need to look to the furture too and he will not pay the mortgage forever if he moves out as he will have to pay for his own place, so reality may mean you taking on the mortgage, you need to see if this is possible, I was able to remortgage as they counted my maintenence, tax credits and my small wage.

LeninGrad Mon 01-Jun-09 19:36:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington Mon 01-Jun-09 19:38:47

get to a solicitor sharpish - like tomorrow.

Tortington Mon 01-Jun-09 19:39:32

and its not his fucking money.

i never ever understand this.

skramble Mon 01-Jun-09 19:44:50

Custardo - exactly, I supported my exH for years enabling him to work while I brought up our children, it was supposed to be a joint effort, our money.

CarGirl Mon 01-Jun-09 19:48:38

If you take on 50% of the debt you can probably get your creditors to agree to cut the amount owed and stop interest so it is much better to get maintenance seperately as it is half his debt and yes his money is 50% yours anyway, you are entitled to more than 50% if you are bringing up joint children.

Agree solicitors & CAB tomorrow pronto and do not sign or agree to anything until after you have spoken to them.

NeedaNewName Mon 01-Jun-09 19:51:16

Agree with everyone else, its a joint account. You make it sound like he's doing you a favour.

I'm not an expert but he will probably find he has to pay the mortgage, joint credit cards and maintenance.

I echo what others say about going to see relate, but you also need to go and see a solicitor just in case, you need to protect yourself and your children.

ilovemydogandmrobama Mon 01-Jun-09 20:13:01

Think you need to look at it from the stance that if you are separate, you may be entitled to benefits. Him taking you off the joint account is evidence of this.

What happens if you notify Tax Credits is that they cancel the last claim, and start a new one, so be aware that they don't understand temporary. It's either the current set of circumstances, as you have declared in your tax credit claim is accurate or not.

2anddone Tue 02-Jun-09 12:05:00

Thanks for your answers, I have been to see CAB and they have given really good advice so thanks for that. I haven't been to a solicitor I can't afford one, how do I find out if I am entitled to legal aid? The problem is I am a super organised person and rang the tax credits the weekend before we agreed to try the separation with our totals for this years tax credits. I haven't had my letter from them yet should I wait til I get that before I ring them or can I do it before I get it back. TIA

mumblechum Tue 02-Jun-09 12:15:59

To find out if you're entitled to legal aid, go to Go to the eligibility calculator and you can find out in 2 mins whether you're entitled to legal aid.

I agree that you need to get a solicitor pronto. You can find a local solicitor on

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