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xp out of country, pil want contact - anyone been here? (long rant)

(12 Posts)
debs26 Tue 19-Apr-05 19:37:48

xp has gone on holiday. he has contact but his parents are allowed to collect kids from school (stated in contact order). i am really angry that they didnt ask me if it was ok for them to collect them despite their father being away and them having no legal rights over the kids. it would just be polite iykwim. i only found out he wasnt here because i spoke to his solicitor today (we are currently going through court, hoping to change contact), otherwise they just wouldnt have said anything. anyway i mentioned it when they dropped kids off, and fil started shouting and swearing at me, saying its none of my business that xp has gone away. he also said if it wasnt for me calling the passport office to complain about him applying kids would have gone with him! yes i called passport office as i was worried he would get passports and then 'lose' them when i needed them (has happened before with other stuff), turned out he had lied on form about kids address and had signed to say i agreed to application, i didnt even know about it when he applied! contact order states he has to get my written permission to take them abroad anyway, which he would not get for a school week! then mil gets out of car and starts shouting the odds. i got so mad i told them that they couldnt have kids next tuesday (i would have let them if they had been reasonable) but they started shouting that they were going to come and get them no matter what i said, court order says they can collect them so they will. i am so mad now, there is no way i will let them take the kids next tuesday unless xp is back and then i cant stop them. rang police for advice but they dont want to get involved. sorry for the rant. has anyone been here? what would you do

Caligula Tue 19-Apr-05 20:05:26

Haven't been here myself debs, but bumping it up for you in case anyone else has.

I personally wouldn't allow anyone who was in the habit of screaming abuse at me, to look after my children. As far as I'm concerned, someone who undermines my authority as a parent and teaches my children that ranting and raving in the street is OK behaviour, is not a suitable person to be in charge of my children.

debs26 Tue 19-Apr-05 20:05:44

would like to add that i have been more than reasonable over giving them lots of contact even when i dont have to, i dont slag them off to the kids, i have tried and tried and tried to be reasonable and work out problems but all they do is swear at me, let kids eat mcdonalds every time they go (despite me trying to reduce additives in their diet), let kids watch 18 cert films (they are 6 and 4 ffs) and send the kid home with nasty stories about me (usually not true - the only one that was involved xp being locked up by the police. they said it was all my fault, neglected to mention he had attacked me and my mother completely unprovoked). even if you dont have experience would be glad of opinions. anyone?

debs26 Tue 19-Apr-05 20:06:39

thanks caligla, sorry posts x there. glad im not the only one who has a problem with that sort of behaviour

Caligula Tue 19-Apr-05 20:21:41

Oh well, if they think it's acceptable for their son to attack the mother of his children, then they really shouldn't be allowed near anyone's children.

TBH, I don't think your xp should be allowed near them either, unless he has confronted his violent behaviour and understands that it is beyond the pale and that he is in the wrong about it. Violent men just shouldn't be in charge of children, full stop.

Mosschops30 Tue 19-Apr-05 20:27:11

Message withdrawn

debs26 Tue 19-Apr-05 20:35:45

im not trying to stop contact,am trying to reduce it so they have less of an influence over kids. both have seen ed psych because of behaviour problems, most probably linked to this situation. we split up four years ago and i couldnt care less what he does now, i just want them to treat me with respect and to stop screwing the kids up. i just dont want to let the kids go there next tuesday as i want to make the point that i am their mother, they might be grandparents but they should not be treating me this way. am worried that they will turn up and cause a scene at school in front of kids. am thinking about booking dr appt (necessary one) for that afternoon so kids wont be there when school finishes.

Caligula Tue 19-Apr-05 20:50:48

Good idea. But then, they'll probably turn up at your house later, won't they?

debs26 Tue 19-Apr-05 20:52:55

not if i dont go home! cant see police helping them as they didnt want to help me when i rang earlier.

miranda2 Tue 26-Apr-05 12:23:12

Yes, I'd say an appointment so the kids simply weren't there was probably the best option! Then take them swimming or to a friends house or something so you aren't at home...avoidance is probably the best thing here.
Shocked at your exp lying to get a passport for them - surely that will count against him in your battle to get access changed, as it shows clearly that he isn't being trustworthy or sticking to his side of the agreement.

debs26 Wed 27-Apr-05 10:34:30

thanks to those who replied, i took kids for eye test (good job as we found out ds1 needs glasses), but xmil rang monday to say she had found out that i was right actually, she then added in mournful tone 'so i suppose if you dont want us to have them then we cant'. was clearly fishing but as there was no apology for their disgraceful behaviour i told her no she couldnt and she ought to be apologising to the kids for upsetting them. she wont, but it made me feel better. and after eye test we made pizza and went to local soft play area so we had a lovely time. glad i knew a few people on here agreed with me, it does make a difference. and the icing on the cake is that we were supposed to have a court hearing tomorrow, he booked a holiday after getting the date (so he could delay things i am guessing) and then tried to have it adjourned (would have been 6 weeks wait) - court have not adjourned it because i wrote letter to object. am so proud of myself, think i might become a solicitor lol

pinkmamma Tue 03-May-05 20:14:18

if they are harrassing you, or your ex-h report it to the police. say " i want to report harrassment" make a statement and don't take no for an answer. next time he/they do it phone police and make " i want to report harrassment". make another statement. 2 statements mean they will pull him/them in for questioning.
do it every time you get harrassed
i been there
good luck

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