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How can I help him to learn to budget

(12 Posts)
spidrin Wed 06-Apr-05 11:23:49

My dp became a SAHD last May and has been brilliant at looking after dd and keeping the house. He seems to be enjoying it but we do have one major problem which is that we now have very little money so I need him to be able to budget and spend within our limits.
When we were both working we had seperate accounts and paid into a joint account for mortgage and bills etc. He had his money to spend (gone within a week or so) and I had mine.
Now after paying bills etc there is just enough money for food and a few small extras if we budget carefully. But dp just wont do this and we are going to start getting into debt if we are not careful. I tried explaining to him about menus and planning meals (not day by day but have a weekly plan to pick and choose from it IYSWIM) but he says that he likes to decide on a day to day basis. I try planning the meals and buying in the food (he comes with me mind to do the shopping) which is no prob for dinners but hard for brekkie and lunch as Im not around then but I cant do this all the time as we have too many other things to do at the weekend and he hates going shopping in the evening and it still doesnt stop him going out and buying other things during the week anyway.
I have tried transferring the remaining money after bills into his account monthly (he spent it within two weeks...mostly on food mind not crap he is a bit of a foodie) Ive tried giving him money weekly but he gets in 3 days of food and thats the money gone.
We now have about £100 left for the rest of the month (get paid on 26) and have no idea what we are going to do. I am worried sick by this but he doesnt seem to think its a problem cos he honestly thinks that Ill be able to sort it all out and everything will be fine but I cant do that anymore. I need him to take some responsibility here. The worst thing is that he really wants us to eat well and loves treating me and dd to nice meals so I feel really bad complaining about him like this.

debs26 Wed 06-Apr-05 11:27:50

do you pay by cash or card? when i was budgeting i would get out the money i had to spend for the week and then would not use cards. it is a lot easier to see how quickly your money disappears when you actually hand the real thing over. to me even debit cards dont spend real money, its all just numbers on a bit of paper

spidrin Wed 06-Apr-05 11:33:38

Im fine with using cards but dp isnt so we had a system where I put money into a cash acccount for him each week and then hed do the shopping with that but as I say hed buy a really nice but expensive dinner and not think about what we were going to have the rest of the week so Id end up having to either do another shop (with a planned menu) or give him more money which meant less the next week and then so on and so forth.

debs26 Wed 06-Apr-05 11:39:25

lots of people get their shopping delivered and swear it is cheaper (even after the delivery charge) because it reduces temptation to buy stuff you dont want. and then he gets a legit reason to play on the computer while he is doing it. cant be bad!

spidrin Wed 06-Apr-05 11:44:17

that to me would be a good solution debs but dp is computer phobic and wont use one unless he has to.

debs26 Wed 06-Apr-05 11:45:39

erm.... give him money daily? am out of ideas now!!!

spidrin Wed 06-Apr-05 11:49:28

Cheers for your help debs Im out of ideas too Its a difficult one and I understand that he has got to get used to having very little money and he is finding it difficult. Think might have to resort to banging his head againt a brick wall (or force feeding him turkey twizzlers) till he gets the whole idea

debs26 Wed 06-Apr-05 11:53:29

colditzmum Wed 06-Apr-05 11:58:50

I have exactly this problem with my dp. I had to take all our money for food, divide it up and show him, physically, how much money was available for each single meal!

He seemed surprised that so little money was available, I honestly think that some people don't realise until they are shown. Just explain to him that unless he keeps within the budget each meal, there will be no nice food for 2 weeks out of 4!

As for they "eating day by day" bit, he will find that shopping in the evening means the discount fridge in Tesco is chock full of Tesco Finest and organic food, so he can have better food for his money if he goes shopping in the evening. Many a time I have nipped to Tesco for a "treat" meal and end up spending less than I would have done on a normal everyday meal.

Hope that helps, I really, really know how you feel.

spidrin Wed 06-Apr-05 12:54:10

thats a good idea to show him how much we have for each meal. I think I might try that. It might get the idea across to him.

Must admit hes getting better with the bargains so am very pleased about that.

Guess Ive jsut been too organised over the years and always taken responsibility for money issues. Just printed off a spreadsheet with our spending this month which will hopefully give him a big shock when he sees all the supermarket spending we do and how much he actually spent on the 'odd can of beer'last two weekends.

alicemama Wed 06-Apr-05 13:01:52

I must admit I seem to have a simlar spending problemas your dh. I get bored staying in at home and then went out to town and spent money just for the sake of being out of the house. My dh never said anything as he doesn't like confrontation but I always felt guilty of draining our finances on silly things. So on Sunday I cut both my cards in half. Dh has given me some money so that if I want to go out I can but only have limited budget, we then do the weekly food shop together. I now feel so much happier as I know we're working as a team now.

spidrin Wed 06-Apr-05 13:20:19

Hi AM I know the feeling of being bored and stuck at home with very little money. I was like that when I was on mat leave but somehow managed to stay within my budget cos tho I often shopped on a day to day basis for food or even did two shos a week I kept a closeeye on what I was spending and knew how much was left. Dp doesnt seem to do that unfortunatly.

Think I need to go get a job that pays more money thatd be the best solution

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