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Friendship Dilemma

(14 Posts)
Earlybird Thu 24-Mar-05 16:20:00

Here's an abbreviated version of the conversation/incident in question:

Me: "I'm planning to get some tickets for an Easter event. It's on X date, at X time, in X place. The tickets are 12.50 each. Would you like to come?"

Her: "Let me check with boyfriend.....(an hour later) yes, please. Can you get 3 tickets for us?"

Me: "No problem. It should be a fun day out."

Event was this past Saturday. We met at the event door, me with tickets in hand. Her boyfriend not there at the start as he was tied up with work. He never made it. She never said a word about paying me back. Still hasn't, and I'm peeved. I know money is tight for her. Was I unclear?

This is a fairly new friendship (under a year). I like her very much, and she has lots of good qualities. DD and her dd enjoy each other too. But, this is the same woman who couldn't find her wallet when it came time to pay her half of a restaurant meal a few weeks ago. I had treated in the past (a few times), but that meal out was initiated by her. Again, no mention of repayment (though some of you may remember from a previous thread that she has been quite generous in the past with inviting me/dd over for Sunday lunches...and we're due to spend Easter lunch there this Sunday).

What would you do? I hate money tension with friends! It's tedious, uncomfortable and the last thing I want to have as an issue with a friend!

Tinker Thu 24-Mar-05 16:24:12

Oh, oh, oh, the same woman. Hmm, I would say soemthing like "I was wondering if you had teh money for teh tickets yet?" but in a really grovelly, 'sorry about this' kind of way. You need to make it clear that she should pay though

morningpaper Thu 24-Mar-05 16:24:37

I would just say something like "Hey have you got the money for those tickets with you today?" next time I saw her. Just make it casual.

Is VERY rude of her!

ggglimpopo Thu 24-Mar-05 16:25:04

Message withdrawn

tarantula Thu 24-Mar-05 16:25:30

Sounds very wierd to me. your opions are
1.drop the friendship totally
2.dont buy tickets or do meals out with said friend
3.Be very clear before offering to buy anythig that you expect to be paid back. ie I can get you tickets but things are a bit tight so Ill need the money for them as soon as IYSWIM

TBH I think she is taking you for a ride and Id go for option 1 myself.

Earlybird Thu 24-Mar-05 16:38:36

I don't think she schemes to take advantage in a calculating way, I just think she wants/likes to do things that she perhaps can't afford. I definitely have more disposable income than she does.

But, here's another thing....even if I had offered to treat, isn't it completely unacceptable to have me supply a ticket for the non-appearing boyfriend? (who lives with someone else, by the way.....but that's another conversation!)

At this point, I'm inclined to think that I should assume it will be my treat if we go out somewhere. If I'm not happy about that, I shouldn't even put myself in the position...

Tinker Thu 24-Mar-05 16:42:59

Even if you assume it's going to be a treat, will you not start to feel quite resentful about this set-up?

coppertop Thu 24-Mar-05 16:44:18

I would've thought that the fact that you told her the price of the tickets would've been enough of a clue that you were expecting her to pay. It's definitely unreasonable to expect you to fork out £25 for her and her boyfriend. It's taking the p*ss IMHO.

Earlybird Thu 24-Mar-05 16:51:22

Actually coppertop, it was 37.50 as I paid for her, dd and boyfriend....but who's counting?

Earlybird Thu 24-Mar-05 16:52:32

previous message unclear - paid for her, her dd, and her boyfriend (in addition to myself and my dd..of course..)

LIZS Thu 24-Mar-05 16:53:02

Could you casually ask for it, along the lines of "sorry I forgot to remind you about the ticket money the other night, any chance you have it now as I'm a bit short of cash today" or offer to take something along for the dinner so that she can't feel that you are just accepting her dinner in exchange. Agree about perhaps not putting yourself in that position the future if nothing is forthcoming, sad for the girls though.

noddyholder Thu 24-Mar-05 17:00:38

Tell her you are a bit short and need the cash for the easter holidays She shouldn't mind and should definitely pay for her boyfriends ticket

jampots Thu 24-Mar-05 18:04:57

You sound like me Earlybird - I always get stung for paying. So far 4 friends "owe" me lunch/dinner. However, I wouldnt be able to ask for the money and would resent it for ever. Although am planning on asking one friend when she's taking me out since it was about a year ago I treated her with her very much saying "I'll pay next time"

Earlybird Thu 24-Mar-05 21:07:19

As I said earlier, I think I will simply avoid being put in this position in future. I don't want to end the friendship, but also don't like how much emotional energy I've expended being upset about this issue. Friendships are supposed to be a source of mutual fun, comfort, support, understanding, sharing, etc....NOT this sort of negativity. I'm afraid I've learned the hard way what the limits of this friendship are.

Thanks for the feedback/advice.

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