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Advice re contact for child

(3 Posts)
wirral Fri 17-Oct-08 15:18:24

My exh works six week shifts. We have a 9 year old daughter. I work fulltime.

When we first split up we argued a lot about how to organise his contact with our daughter. My arguement was never that I didn't want him to see her just that I thought it best for her if he tried to stick to regular days. I have to admit to a selfish motive here as it also enables me to carry on fulltime work more easily. Eventually we went to court and ex ended up with contact pattern over a 6 week shift rota that is reasonably regular. I know that other than one week out of six I need to organise for daughter to be picked up from school on a Wed and Thurs.

Ex has now changed his job and is working a 4 or 5 week shift rota. It is unlikely he will be able to do the regular contact arrangements that the court has ordered.

I am willing to be flexible but have a problem with work. My boss isn't the most understanding. Wed and Thurs are reasonably easy to organise. Different days each week will be problematical.

My questions - Our court order states one set of contact arrangements but we have a signed copy of an amendment to the original contact order that has never been put to the court and which we presently follow - my solicitor has a copy. Is it worth getting the amended court order in front of the court before his new shift change? How flexible will I need to be regarding contact arrangements?

NewspiritsFromOldghosts Sat 18-Oct-08 09:49:10

Why do you want to go back to court? What would putting the amended arrangements in fron of a court achieve?

If i have understood you correctly, (many apologies if i haven't smile ),
you want the court to ratify the current arrangement so that your ex has to stick to the days that you want to acccomodate your childcare? As a fait accompli before he tries to change things?

They won't do it and it won't work. Things will naturally change with both your jobs over the years and it's unfair to prevent or force your ex to solely work around you.

I do understand your issues with work, have you sat down with your ex to go through how this is going to work? One solution could be that he contributes towards your dd's childcare? Does the school have an afterschool club that she can go to?

I think you may have to accept that you will need to access childcare now because of the change in situation. You could use www.entitledto.com to calculate what tax credits you would get if you need to employ a childminder or use the after school club.

DLI Mon 20-Oct-08 20:14:03

i think it might be good if you can sit down together and talk about what contact you can and cannot do, your daughter will then see her parents co-operating in her best interests. If not, what about mediation? its much cheaper and more amicable?

Can your ex's parents help out, for example, they collect her from school and then ex collects her from their house? they both get to spend time together.

if you cannot both compromise then it will end up back in court and you will have to go through the stresses again which no doubt will affect your daughter.

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