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Dd1 has just punched dd2 on the nose - help please!

(13 Posts)
someoneelsenow Thu 28-Aug-08 20:10:23

I've posted this in teenagers too, but am desperate for advice.

I don't think it's broken, but it is swollen.

Dd1 (almost 16) has been violent and jealous towards dd2 (12) virtually since birth.

Dd2 does wind her up, but she's been told to tell us rather than retaliate.

We've withdrawn privileges every time it happens, and last time it was nasty I said I would report her to the police.

I'm so furious with her and emotionally torn...does anyone know what would happen if I did get the police involved?

I think it's hormone-related - she was very angry with herself yesterday.

I've already told her her birthday party is cancelled...I'm just so depressed about it.

dh is in work but on his way back.

hecate Thu 28-Aug-08 20:15:36

Perhaps ringing the police would not be a bad idea. It is an assault after all.

I don't think the police would do much, it's not really that serious, but it might give her a shock.

I don't know if they would do this, but I have heard of them taking kids into the cells in order to give them the short sharp shock they need.

You also need to read the riot act to dd2 about winding her up. That's not on, is it?

The teen years are HELL though. All those hormones, feeling angry and frustrated and feeling the world is against you. I wouldn't go through it again for a million quid!

You have said her birthday party is cancelled. Do you MEAN that? If not, how are you going to reinstate it without being seen to cave in? (maybe she could earn it back in some way?)

differentID Thu 28-Aug-08 20:17:38

What would you want to happen if it was a 16 year old not related to you who had assaulted your 12 year old?

someoneelsenow Thu 28-Aug-08 20:20:40

Precisely differentID - I would want the police involved.

However, they are both my daughters and dd1 is clearly in a very emotional state and out control with herself.

I'm wondering about some sort anger management.

Her party is definitely cancelled- this isn't a one-off and she's had due warning over many years. Last time it was a warning that she's on the verge of adulthood and would warrent police intervention

differentID Thu 28-Aug-08 20:24:43

Maybe a short sharp shock with the police involvement would help her check her temper? SHe probably wont thank you for a very long time, if at all, but if she is shown what will happen, maybe she might make the effort to control her temper?

differentID Thu 28-Aug-08 20:25:35

How does your younger daughter wind her up?

someoneelsenow Thu 28-Aug-08 20:29:50

She teases her, and had also slapped her...they'vebeen in all day and I was about to take them out for some exercise.

If dd1 had told me about the slap, I would have punished dd2...but she retaliated instead.

differentID Thu 28-Aug-08 20:34:46

I think some of it could be the fact she doesn't really know who she is at the moment. She knows she's not a child but doesn't feel like she's anywhere near adult enough to deal with some things.
I'm speaking as an older sister with a younger sister who teased me and yes bullied me to distraction and I have to admit I would at that age have walloped my kid sister too rather than call in Mum.

differentID Thu 28-Aug-08 20:36:16

I'm not condoning her behaviour by any means, please don't think that, but I can understand why she felt the need to lash out. She's not due on is she? Worried about school next week?

someoneelsenow Thu 28-Aug-08 20:38:02

She probably is due on - she's displaying classic PMT symptoms. But that's no excuse.

differentID Thu 28-Aug-08 20:41:14

No, I totally agree. Has your younger daughter any idea of how her own behaviour resulted in the slap, or is she completely oblivious?

someoneelsenow Fri 29-Aug-08 08:26:53

Sorry didn't post again last night- was talking to them both, and dh.

Yes, dd2 has had a warning about winding her up too. They're both asleep now and looking like angels! I posted on teenagers too, where I've found out we're not alone, which is a comfort.

nannyL Fri 29-Aug-08 08:33:16

Not alot would actually happen

I Know as my step dad violently assualted and strangled me a couple of months ago and gave me 6 bruises shock

I went to the police

Basically because it was his 1st offence he became 'known to police' not criminal record) and had his finger prints and DNA put on police database and because police station was extreamly busy had to sit for hours and hours grinin a police cell while they waited for an interview room.

I asked police man what would happen and he made it quite clear that that would happen, and he proceded to tell me that young people / teeneagers get soo many more chances.

if when my step dad violently attacks someone else ie my mum who is standing by him (as he has only attacked me once, and he wasnt actually going to kill me, just frighten me... so its ok hmm angry) then he WILL go to court.

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