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What happens to the DCs if DH and I pass away?

(8 Posts)
Twinkie1 Thu 17-Jul-08 08:22:13

It has been weighing on my mind for a while that the children may be split up if something happens to DH and I?

Would this happen - DS would go to my aunt and uncle - wouldn't trust either of DHs siblings with him and his parents are in their 70s so that wouldn't be an option but would DD automatically go to her father, my XH?

It is silly but it panicks me that they may be split up. We live a pretty idylic life at the moment, nice big house in a small village in the countryside and I don't want that to change for them but most of all I want them to grown up together.

If both of them went to my auncle he could have the house or at least live in it because the mortgage would be paid off until the children are old enough to cope on their own, they wouldn't have to move and I agree with his parenting practices although not some of his views on religeon or race issues etc but hopefully the DCs would have enough common sense to realise that there is a world outside England and they have to fit into it and accept other people.

But I think XH would fight for DD to go to him and then she would be shuttled from pillar to post between his relatives and my stepmonster and bastard father whilst he is at work and would never have a relationship with her brother.

I know it is silly thinking about this but with the recent bereavements on mumsnet it has made me think that we should get our lives in order and write a will and make some decisions.

Any advice - would they split up the DCs - DS is not to go near XHs family, they are poison and I want him kept far away from my stepmonster and bastard father - I want them to grow up normal and balanced not fixated on money and power and hate!

RubySlippers Thu 17-Jul-08 08:24:56

have just answered your other thread

you need to put your wishes for guardianship in your will so everything is clear and also (i have done this) put a letter with the will to confirm this

Twinkie1 Thu 17-Jul-08 08:27:02

But can XH fight that RubySlippers?

He would want DD with him but I think it would be better for her in the long run to stay in our house and live with DS - mind you she is 8 and he is 3 so hopefully this will never have to be tested but I am having sleepless nights over it!

Stargazer Thu 17-Jul-08 08:28:19

I understand your concerns. We have made wills to ensure that our DC stay together in the event of anything happening to either or both of us. My BIL and his wife have arranged to become legal guardians to the DC (and ensure that DS gets to see his biological dad and family regularly).

It might be worth talking to friends and family to find out who would be willing/able to look after the children, and getting it down in writing. It's also something that needs to be reviewed regularly - as friendships change, people move, etc.

Hope this helps, you are right to consider this now, rather than when it's too late. Now, must go and review our arrangements smile. Good luck.

RubySlippers Thu 17-Jul-08 08:29:59

i don't know TBH

he may be able to - i think, but am not a legal expert, that a will is a binding document so he would be able to fight it but would involve court fights etc

i think you may need to consult a solicitor to draw your will up to make sure this aspect is water tight

MrsTittleMouse Thu 17-Jul-08 08:32:56

You can put your wishes for guardianship in your will, but it will not be set in stone. A judge will have that information and will have to take it into account, but could over-ride your decision after you have died. Not what you want to hear, sorry.
Could you draw up a letter with your solicitor detailing why you don't want your ex to take her? I would get advice from a professional on this one.

Twinkie1 Thu 17-Jul-08 08:33:41

Mind you we have joint residency of DD so I suppose he will automatically get her - think we will ask the will writing person we get in what the form is - god I better go and jump in the shower - living 3 minutes from the school gates is making me incredibly lazy!

MrsTittleMouse Thu 17-Jul-08 08:36:13

It is impoosible to make a will watertight with respect to guardianship Ruby - it just doesn't work that way. Most of the time that makes sense. You could put someone as a guardian in the will and then they could become ill, be imprisoned, or a whole number of things that would render them unsuitable. So the law is set up that a judge can over-rule you in the best interests of the child.

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