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Don't know which way to turn

(21 Posts)
johay Wed 26-Jan-05 10:36:03

I don't understand how this has happened to me but I seem to be the loser all round. My ex husband assaulted me but got away with it because I had suffered mental health problems (mainly due to his abusive treatment of me). I moved out of the marital home and rented for 6 months as my children and I didn't feel safe. He then he promptly moved to London and changed all the locks. I am now back in my house and he is paying for the mortgage and some of the bills (no maintenance yet). He has a new girlfriend and seems to be moving on with his life. I however feel sick every time I go to the supermarket. I am on income support and work part time. He now informs me that he can no longer pay the mortgage or any of the bills and that we must sell the house. I have quite a few debts that I cannot possibly pay off. We are going to court in Feb to sort out the finances. I know it's pathetic but I always let him deal with all the money side of things and I am clueless. Should I let the court decide my fate? I don't trust him and don't really know what he earns. I don't think there is any equity in the house. My solicitor isn't much help, she said his financial disclosure wasn't detailed enough. Sorry, I must sound like a right dimbo. My children are 4 and 12. Lastly, I don't really mean that I am the loser because I have two beautiful children and I have got rid of that bastard.

Mothernature Wed 26-Jan-05 10:46:35

Surley to goodness they will check his income before making any dicissions, just cause he says he can't afford the mortgage or the bills doesn't mean you will end up them...sols sounds as though she's not putting the effort in either...

Quote from Legal Services:

What rights do divorced couples have to each others assets?

When divorce proceedings are commenced in England this allows both parties to the proceedings to make an application for financial relief in relation to each and every asset whether this is owned jointly or solely by each of them.

The Courts will then have to assess what is held in the family melting pot and apportion the assets accordingly.

Until recently the courts would look at the reasonable needs of the parties. However the recent case of White v White has meant that the courts will now look to order a "fair division of the assets" and arrive at a position of "equality of wealth". However the Courts still apply the factors contained in Section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1975 eg age of the parties, whether there are any minor children, length of the marriage etc

In any event the parties have a duty of full and frank financial disclosure. This enables practitioners to make an appraisal of what the likely outcome should be.

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 26-Jan-05 10:48:52

He's such a fucker johay. Got to go out now but will come back to this when I get back. There IS EQUITY in the house, he is lying. I'll post later.

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 26-Jan-05 10:50:01

I am 100% sure of that btw. UNLESS he's remortgaged and I wouldn't put it past him. Presumably it's in both your names (please say it is) so he wouldn't be able to do this without your knowledge. Back later xxxx

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 26-Jan-05 12:31:27

Johay, surely your solicitor can MAKE him make his financial disclosure detailed enough? Have you got a rottweiler solicitor? If not, can you get someone pushier? You're not a dimbo, but he made you feel like one through his systematic abuse. He is a control freak who still thinks he can control you and I think and hope that the court will find differently and will order him to continue to pay the mortgage. I don't know what else to suggest but I hope someone comes along who knows more. Anything I can do, let me know. Have you thought any more about moving to somewhere where you have a better chance of work/social life? I know you were thinking about it. xxx

johay Wed 26-Jan-05 12:45:27

I'm so glad it's you wwww. How are you and your lovely family? In some ways I know that we are so much better off. It's just the money side of things. We did remortgage because we converted the flats into one house and needed to do a lot of work half of which hasn't even been done. I think I'm pretty much stuffed! Thanks Mothernature. He is trying to pressurize me into coming to an agreement before we go to court and the final hearing. I'm not going to do this. I think he is hiding money somewhere and he has a very 'good' accountant. I am hoping that the judge will decide things in my favour so I can at least pay off my debts and maybe have some money at the end of it, but as I am on income support I don't think I am allowed to have savings! The whole thing does my head in. I am trying to find some work so that I can get up to the magic sixteen hours and get wtc, but will I be any better off? Dunno. Also the job will have to fit in with school term. I think he would have to pay maintenance to me then. Sorry, how dull this sounds. Shall I change the subject? Who likes Johnny Depp?

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 26-Jan-05 12:51:08

Sweetie, we are absolutely fine. And you will be too at some point, I was wondering about you recently. Dp just did an impression of your dd 'wanna go park', remember that?

I bet he is hiding money, you're right. Fucker. Sorry, just wanted to call him that again! Isn't there a wimmin's advice centre somewhere near you who can help you get your entitlement? Even with a re mortgage I BET there's some equity, must be, what with house prices and the length of time you've been there etc. I will have a hunt around and see if I can find anything. x

johay Wed 26-Jan-05 12:53:20

Our posts crossed wwww! Think it's better that I stay put as at least I have some support here. Also children have been through a lot of upheaval already. I tried to get into Exeter Uni to do teacher training this year but didn't even get an interview! 2:1 in English not good enough, girls coming out with 5 A levels now. Will have to write some pulp rubbish quickly, sell the film rights and make a fortune.

johay Wed 26-Jan-05 12:55:46

Can you call him a fucker again love? Go on PLEEEEASE!!!

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 26-Jan-05 13:02:08


Divorce aid financial section
Govt advice on divorce
FAQ on divorce
Women's aid
there might be something on tigerchild

I know that's a lot of reading but you never know, you might just hit on the person who can help.

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 26-Jan-05 13:03:29

He's a FUCKER. Would use the C word but this is a public forum! He is that too of course.

Tiggus Wed 26-Jan-05 13:11:07

I cannot believe what you said about Exeter Uni. Isn't there anywhere else near you that is maybe not so popular with school leavers with a million and one A Levels?

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 26-Jan-05 13:13:05

Hey, look at THIS! Teacher training not at uni and there's one near you!

weightwatchingwaterwitch Wed 26-Jan-05 13:14:48

Exactly Tiggus. I know johay and she'd make an excellent teacher, she really would. Johay, look at the rest of the training section of the teacher training agency .

Nikkichik Wed 26-Jan-05 14:31:11

You sound like you're having a bit of a bumpy ride of late johay - hugs to you! Have you tried Plymouth Uni (Exmouth Campus) for teacher training. Exeter are a snotty bunch - it's known as a bit of a 'green welly brigade' uni (whatever that means) with a high % of studetns from wealthy families attending. Plymouth not so snobby!. I should know, I've worked for both!

johay Wed 26-Jan-05 16:22:44

Thanks wwww that was my 2nd choice and got rejected for that too! Lol! Plymouth doesn't do an early years course, which is what I really want to do. Next one Bath, too far atm. Will get there in the end I think. That recruitment drive thing is really for secondary teaching, primary is very competitive. Thanks for your suggestions about the legal side of things too, I will look now. I should have come on here earlier. x x x x

irishbird Wed 26-Jan-05 16:33:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

johay Wed 26-Jan-05 22:13:37

Hi Irishbird. Thanks. I think he has done form E. I have my decree nisi. He was paying mortgage and some bills but now tells me he can no longer do so. It is second appointment with court (not counting crimminal charge which he got away with). He managed to take his girlfriend to Norway for Christmas and the furthest we ever got was Wales for our hols with him! Angry? Bitter? Moi?

irishbird Thu 27-Jan-05 20:41:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

johay Thu 27-Jan-05 22:56:34

Thanks everyone x

Frizbe Thu 27-Jan-05 23:07:00

If you really wanna be a complete bitch, you can get a clause put in the divorce, which still gets you your DA, but still entitles you to a % of his future earnings, see your solicitor for details.

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