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(12 Posts)
Whereismy7 Thu 13-Jun-19 11:50:26


Just looking for some advise....or if this has effected other mums.

My ex pays £110 a week for our two daughters. He hasn't had any contact with our daughters in six years. He only sends birthday and Christmas cards and encloses a £100 each.

He's self employed. The last books he provided were for 2016/2017. With a figure of £56k earnings.

He since keeps saying he's going to go "Limited Company so he will pay him self minimum wage so that he doesn't have to pay any maintenance". Nice eh! However, I don't think he has gone Limited yet. How would I find that out?

Although he uses an accountant, he never seems to be up to date with his books, and does the self assessment in January. Although he is VAT registered so has to be some what up to date to submit the quarterly VAT return. Over the last few years I've not seen or had copy of his books to be able to check his earnings and check he's paying what he's meant to be paying.

He and his woman live a very lavish lifestyle, three hot holidays a year, weekends away, expensive meals and buying expensive stuff for the house. She doesn't see her children either, and she doesn't pay her children any maintenance.

I'm nervous to submit a claim to CSA/CMA in case he chucks his toys out of the pram and stops paying the £110 a week. But if he's earning what I suspect is a lot more, the maintenance should be increased. Could he potentially ignore the CSA/CMA and not bother to supply the info re his earnings? Do they chase him? Do they check if he's lying?

These daughters are costing me a fortune with Driving Lessons, D of E, school trips, not to even start on clothes and festivals etc!!! They both have week end jobs and are so considerate about how skint I am and that I do my best. But I can't help feeling a bit robbed sometimes.

Sorry it's a bit long of a query. Hopefully someone can help give me a nudge and some advice!

Thank you. X

niceredjumper Thu 13-Jun-19 12:13:56

£110 a week?!! I'd be over the moon with that.

TheJoxter Thu 13-Jun-19 12:18:34

Even on minimum wage he’d have to pay you some maintenance

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 13-Jun-19 12:19:08

Self employment is a big issue with CMS, they can’t make him pay more or at all if he cooks his books. Have you put his salary, as you last knew it, in the online calculator?

It’s good they have jobs. Do you work? Driving lessons and festivals suggests they’re nearly adults. He’ll stop paying when they’re 18 which is something to consider.

JoanMavisIcecreamGirl Thu 13-Jun-19 12:22:15

nobody can answer this without knowing more details,

do the CMS calculator online as a starting point, but yes he could easily do what he's threatening and pay you much less so I would be wary.

how old are your children?

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 13-Jun-19 12:28:59

Also worth noting that he might be living the high life with his wife but she might be paying towards it too.

AuntMarch Thu 13-Jun-19 12:31:41

If they're old enough for driving lessons and going to festivals, they are old enough to earn the money themselves to cover it.

Your ex and his partner going on holiday doesn't have anything to do with it, how do you know she doesn't pay the majority of their costs?

flossie86 Thu 13-Jun-19 12:32:35

If your children haven't had any contact in 6 years how on earth do you know how many holidays they go on, that they eat out at expensive restaurants, go on weekends away & buy lavish things for their house? I'm honestly curious how you would know all these personal details when your children dont have contact?

SinkGirl Thu 13-Jun-19 12:41:45

*He since keeps saying he's going to go "Limited Company so he will pay him self minimum wage so that he doesn't have to pay any maintenance"*’

He absolutely can do this, sadly. However, if he wants any of the rest of the money he will have to pay himself dividends and he has to report and pay tax on those, which means it will show up in his self assessment which should mean it counts as income for maintenance payments. Someone else who knows more should be able to clarify.

SpideyMom Thu 13-Jun-19 13:03:14

£110 a week. I dont even get that a month for one!

CMS go on declared earnings. If he isnt declaring his correct earnings you could potentially end up losing out on a fair bit

newmomof1 Thu 13-Jun-19 13:24:51

It's not worth the hassle if you're going to lose the money in the next couple of years anyway, which judging by what you've said you will do due to their age.
Just accept the £440 and be happy.

If you can't afford all of their activities, they're old enough to get a job and pay for these things themselves, or at least contribute.

SpideyMom Thu 13-Jun-19 14:04:27

I agree with the above, it will be more hassle than its worth.

There has been no contact for so long. I personally wouldn't dream of expecting more money. Your daughters also sound of an age where it will soon be coming to an end for you completely anyway.

The thing with maintenance is, it doesnt increase with the age of the child where their clothes and social activities become alot more. Just because they are costing you a fortune doesn't mean the CMS will award you suitably. And that's if he is declaring correctly. The pittance I get wont cover anything when my DS becomes a teen. It barely covers anything now!

My sons dad is completely absent by his choice. I get paid shit maintenance when his employer chooses to send it, so it gets paid erratically. I only take it as he left me with all his debts and there was alot! If I could I would tell him to shove it up his arse as he has chosen to not have a relationship with our son, which i will never forgive him for. I hate the thought of him thinking his done his been just because he is contributing

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