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will i need a residency order for my own kids?

(60 Posts)
lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:10:00

i was talking to a friend last night, who i found out has had her oldest dd taken from her by her exp

when she called the police they wouldnt do anything as they said the dd was not in danger and neither of them had a residency order specifying where the girl should be living (had all been informal for the last 8 yrs)

now i am wondering if i need to get one myself, in case when exh comes back to the uk he tries to do the same.

do i need to? am really worrying about this now

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:16:33

anyone?

jofeb04 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:25:38

Sorry Lou, I've got no idea, but must be awful for your friend.

Do you believe that your ex may try to get your dc when he comes back?

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:35:21

you know i dont know, i dont think he would want the complications of having them every day but who knows, he might even think its a way of getting himself housed

i'm just worrying now obviously

i would like to think he would know it was better for thr kids to stay where they are, esp ds2 and his sn set up, but then i dont really know him anymore

jofeb04 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:36:18

I really don't know what's best,or how to even go about getting one.

Hoping someone with more knowledge comes along soon for you

wishingfourgotone Thu 28-Jun-07 11:37:35

yep get one my mom needed one for my youngest sis think you got to apply via courts ask at cab if you not sure

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:40:23

cant get to cab til monday am

does anyone know if i can get one even if he is out of the country and i dont know an address for him?

PavlovtheCat Thu 28-Jun-07 11:44:32

After an incident where my best friend's ex-h threatened to take their child to live with him, she sought advice from the police and they said the same thing. Should the child be kept with the father, they would not interfere unless there was reason to beleive the child was in danger, as there was no residency order.

As such, until she trusted him not to keep her son, she withdrew contact through her solicitor and has started proceedings to get a residency order, as a formality, although things are fine between her and ex-h at the moment and contact has resumed.

I would call the local police liason dept and seek claification if you are really worried, and then legal adice about what you can do to protect your children if you fear there is a chance your ex might take them.

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:46:03

oh god this is all i need right now

i mean im glad i know but its just an extra straw for the camels back

PavlovtheCat Thu 28-Jun-07 11:46:22

Do you think he might come and take them without your knowledge? Or that he might keep them after a visit?

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:50:34

i dont know he would do either, but i think he would be more likely to not hand them back

i dont know

the kids have had a tough time of it, he has been out of the country and been erratic in contact to say the least, but i have noticed that these last couple of weeks , now he is intending ot come back next month, he has been in touch a bit more

combined with what my friend told me yesterday, i m feeling a bit edgy

PavlovtheCat Thu 28-Jun-07 11:52:30

What was apparant from the situation with my friend and her child, was that she was in just as much of a position to keep the children as he was, the police were no more likely to get involved with her refusing access than they were if he took the child.

So, she used this to ensure that until she was able to trust him/had the residency order sorted, he would not be in a position to keep her son.

Is it something that could be imminent? Unless you think he may come back and make contact in the next few days, the usual process of obtaining a residency order should be ok, and I think, if you can demonstrate reason for your fears, you may be able to apply for this to go to court more quickly, but I cannot guarantee this.

Also, should he take your children, a residency order would not be more likely to go in his favour, and once an emergency order was requested and awareded to you, your children would need to be returned immediately. Statistics show that mothers are significantly more likely than fathers to gain residency, and if he has no permament accommodation, he is even less likely to get permament residency.

I think what I am saying is accurate, but you need to get formal advice to confirm, maybe someone with specific experience/professional exp can give you more absolute advice.

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:55:53

thanks pavlov, he cant fly until july i am pretty sure heis telling the truth on that, so i do ahve some time

i love my kids, i've looked after them single handedly without a penny from him since we split, i might not be the best mother in the world, i know some on here have a fairly low opinion of me from some topics i post about, but i always do my best and they always come first

i couldnt bear the thought of losing them over something i should have been prepared for

PavlovtheCat Thu 28-Jun-07 11:56:26

I can see why you would feel edgy, it cannot be a nice situation to be in. The very fact that my friends ex threatened her made her very scared and nervous.

I do think tho, that you will be able to put measures in place to stop him from keeping your children. I would recommend doing this, even if your relationship is amicable, to avoid there being any issues in the future.

I hope you can get it sorted soon. I think monday with CAB should be ok...?

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 11:58:49

they have a mobile cab to come to the outlying villages and it is here on monday, going into the local office is pointless, so i will wait for that to come round

it isnt amicable no, tho mainly because of his attitude

PavlovtheCat Thu 28-Jun-07 11:59:34

Your opinions and choices made about your parenting skills have no bearings whatsoever on your ability as a parent. Dont forget that MN only sees one or two sides you at any one time. It does not define your ability as a parent, and other people's views are not always the right ones anyway

noddyholder Thu 28-Jun-07 12:01:12

I don't think you need to worry lou.You seem to have a full on stressful time running the show with your kids and he is a selfish pig Somehow I don't think those 2 go together He would never cope

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 12:01:49

thank you

i am overly emotional today, this amongst other things has been playing on my mind overnight

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 12:02:07

lol thanks noddy

SillyBillyBee Thu 28-Jun-07 12:03:03

I've been told that I do not need a residency order for my son by my solicitor. I think this is probably because through the courts he is only allowed very limited supervised contact at a contact centre. I think because of this it is assumed that if he took my son he would be breaking the contact order and therefore my son would be returned to me.

I really think that you need to see a solicitor though, I don't know the full details but I don't think you have a contact order and I think it is in situations without one (ie. contact is arranged between the parents) that a residency order is needed.

Hope you sort it out, I know the feeling.

lou33 Thu 28-Jun-07 12:10:18

thanks

newlifenewname Thu 28-Jun-07 12:15:35

Was about 5 years ago but I was always advised by solicitor that as I had care of the chidlren, i.e. they lived with me, I could not actually get an order. However, ex dh could apply for residency at which point an order would be made on the basis of his application.

AFAIK you cannot get an order stating what is already happening, i.e. the kids are with you. This then means that the possibility of him removign them without the police having a right to intervene remains.

Sorry.

chipkid Thu 28-Jun-07 12:18:31

Hi Lou33

I practise family law. You are right the police will not usually get involved in returning a child if there is no Residence Order in place.

However, in order to obtain a Residence Order you will have to give notice to your ex as he has the right to be heard. As he is out of the Country that may prove a little difficult at the moment. (there are rules about serving outside of the jurisdiction of the court you will need to see a solicitor)

You can apply without notice but Courts will not grant an order in those circumstances unless there is a real and imminent risk of removal from your care.

The Children Act also has a provision that the Court must always consider whether making a Residence Order under the Act is better than making no order.

On the basis of the circumstances that you have outlined, there is no threat to remove and you are anxious because this happened to a friend, you are unlikley to get an Order without giving notice to your ex.

anniemac Thu 28-Jun-07 12:18:40

Message withdrawn

anniemac Thu 28-Jun-07 12:19:51

Message withdrawn

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