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Please advise me - parents have given/lent us some money, can we spend some of it on a holiday

(49 Posts)
Debbiethemum Tue 19-Jun-07 22:48:08

OK some background.
DH was working for a complete arsehole, very unhappy for a long time and finally resigned a few months ago.
He has been seriously job hunting, but no luck so far.
I got my last retention bonus back in March and that has suplimented my wages so we have only started using the overdraft facility this month. We could cope for another two months (ie he would need to get a job within a month) before things started getting very tight.
Dad called this evening to say that he doesn't want DH to feel he has to take any job going just to pay the bills and end up in another job he hates, so is posting a cheque tomorrow.
They have offered before but I have said we were OK.

This cheque will see us through to Christmas so it does take an enormous weight of my mind.

We have been talking about going camping in Brittany for 2 weeks in August - we have all our own camping gear, so it will be a cheap holiday and would use less than 10% of the cheque.

We haven't booked the holiday yet - well ferry crossing & campsite fees.

But is this a complete abuse of trust and taking advantage of my parents generosity.

We would all benefit from the holiday. DH was very depressed in his last job and it was wonderful to see the happy man I married when he resigned, but he is now getting down again because it is taking so long to find another job.

Sorry this post is so long, but I would value your opinions - dh is out this evening so doesn't know yet.

themildmanneredjanitor Tue 19-Jun-07 22:49:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Debbiethemum Tue 19-Jun-07 22:54:42

But in my my defence, I would have insisted we take a break, but probably a campsite a bit closer (eg Norfolk) so no ferry crossing and probably only a week

moondog Tue 19-Jun-07 22:56:05

Holiday sounds good.
Could you discuss it alone with your parents and tell them quietly how down your dh has been?

agnesnitt Tue 19-Jun-07 22:56:16

I would personally feel guilty as hell for the entire fourteen days away.

Could you not camp somewhere in the UK? You say you have the gear, and it would negate the need for ferry costs while still allowing you and your family a break.


Debbiethemum Tue 19-Jun-07 22:56:56

So if he gets a job offer before the 8th August, we can go?

agnesnitt Tue 19-Jun-07 22:56:56



pooka Tue 19-Jun-07 22:58:13

I wouldn't use the money, even such a small proportion, for non-essentials, I'm afraid.

Debbiethemum Tue 19-Jun-07 22:58:47

Moondog - I would definately discuss it with my parents, but was also wondering how cheeky it was even to think about it

Peachy Tue 19-Jun-07 23:01:25

Does sound like a holiday would be good for him- and might perk him up for the job search (I remember when DH was job hnting, very demoralising) but I owuld probably stick with a forest holidays or other UK site tbh, a middle road, and discuss with your parents.

If its a loan its slightly less cheeky than a gift as well I think.

moondog Tue 19-Jun-07 23:02:14

Camping hardly extravagent.
I wonder why we are so hard?
Anything that helps a couple pull together through tough times worth its weight in gold i reckon.

AbRoller Tue 19-Jun-07 23:02:38

What Peachy said

Debbiethemum Tue 19-Jun-07 23:04:54

Dad is just sending the cheque so it is really an advance on the inheritance (my mothers phrase - before you all yell at me). When Mum last spoke to me she said "it's just sitting there doing nothing"

SittingBull Tue 19-Jun-07 23:05:37

Message withdrawn

Cammelia Tue 19-Jun-07 23:06:34

Debbie, its up to you. You decide.

morocco Tue 19-Jun-07 23:08:17

(morocco's dh
. . .)
No that would be selfish and irresponsible.

Debbiethemum Tue 19-Jun-07 23:10:20

OK - counting the votes, it sounds like we are not being too cheeky if we camp in the UK.

However if he gets job offer before August 8th and we will go to Brittany.

Debbiethemum Tue 19-Jun-07 23:12:05

Dh is back so will give him the news about the cheque.

Thanks for you opinions, I will check-in again tomorrow

mummytosteven Tue 19-Jun-07 23:13:56

I agree with Peachy and others - camp in UK, and let parents know you are doing it.

fireflyfairy2 Tue 19-Jun-07 23:16:22

Just put it to your parents...

I wouldn't mind it if I lent someone money & they decided a holiday was priority.

It sounds like you have had a tough time & a few days away would do you the world of good.

I remember when I got redundancy money about 5 years ago. I give my sister £250 as she had a young baby & was a single mum & we were very close. I felt good that I might be helping her pay a few bills or buy baby food... you can imagine how I felt when I got a text saying she had bought a dog But, I didn't specify what she could & couldn't spend the money on... & the dog has made them all so happy [even if it does hate me]

Tortington Tue 19-Jun-07 23:18:48

i wouldn spend money on a holiday when my financial resources are in question.

if you were the person writing the cheque to enable your child to be more discerning about a carrer then they fecked of on holiday would you be a bit disgruntled? i think i would.

Cammelia Tue 19-Jun-07 23:20:23

I would assume that I had no control over what it was spent on once I'd given it

flibbertyjibbet Tue 19-Jun-07 23:29:28

Why don't you just ask your parents 'would you mind if we spent a teeny bit of the money on a camping holiday (Dorset or Wensleydale are lovely) as the holiday season is coming up and DH needs to recharge batteries etc etc'
If you put it that way, bearing in mind that if you have all the stuff and the most expensive campsite we tried was £18 per night that is a cheap break. But I'd go for a week.
Bear in mind though that scooting off on hols will leave him unable to be searching for work while you're away so it might be best to postpone holiday plans altogether till he is at least successful in his job hunt, and quickly go camping between interview and job starting.

Debbiethemum Tue 19-Jun-07 23:59:00

OK, told dh about the cheque, his immediate reaction (lasted about 2 secs didn't actually say anything) was a bit victorian - I can provide for my family - but second reaction was relief. I do love him.

We will wait another week or two before saying/deciding anything about holidays.
Anyway dh has a second interview tomorrow and another job which never materialised is now available again & they asked if he was still available - that interview's on Friday.

Fingers crossed - he could have a job offer next week.

Cammelia Tue 19-Jun-07 23:59:47


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