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Joint funds for new mortgage...

(19 Posts)
chocolateandredwine Tue 22-May-18 07:36:04

I am quite tired so I don't know if I am being a bit over sensitive - would be grateful if anyone could offer their opinion.

After renting for several years, my DP and I are almost at the point of having all the funds we need to buy our first house together! At present, we have a joint account for our household expenses/bills etc but also have our own current accounts and savings accounts. DP has done some homework on how much we can borrow and the terms of repayments etc - we are planning our mortgage based on just his income as we know I will take several years off in the coming years when we have DC (hopefully). I will be paying my share of the mortgage prior to DC coming along and post mat leave.

I asked him about all of this last night and he showed me his workings (a huge excel spreadsheet!). I noted that he hadn't included any of my savings in his workings - in fact, I didn't seem to be included anywhere. He said that I would 'just use mine to pay the stamp duty and solicitors fees'. I know he is just being practical but along with the fact that it is all based on his earning etc, I kind of get the feeling that he is buying a house and I am just going to live in it. I think in my head I wanted some level of romance to it all and it be a joint venture for our future.

Am I being totally over sensitive?

Eatsleepworkrepeat Tue 22-May-18 07:43:12

Will your name be on the deeds/mortgage? If not, you're just funding him buying a house, which is nice of you hmm

Eatsleepworkrepeat Tue 22-May-18 07:44:56

Sorry, to answer your question - no you're not being over sensitive. He's still thinking of this as an individual, not as part of a couple. I'd be wary of tying yourself to him, he might be someone who always protects himself above anyone else (I. E. You, or future children).

howiseverynametaken Tue 22-May-18 07:52:04

Thanks for your reply. I would be named on the mortgage. His dad is very wary about money and shared assets and I think he has spent too many years listening to him. I certainly won't be signing anything that doesn't give me equal rights to funds from the house should we split!

howiseverynametaken Tue 22-May-18 07:53:01

NC fail! Ho hum!

Hisashiburi Tue 22-May-18 07:54:13

Sorry,did he mean using your savings for the stamp duty and solicitor's fees or his?

If he means yours then no way! These are sunken costs and have no contribution to the actual house. You need to make sure that you both share the stamp duty costs and both put into the house with both names on the mortgage especially if not married (sorry,didn't catch whether you were or not)

JustSeeingHowManyCharactersWeC Tue 22-May-18 07:58:49

Why would you not use your income towards the mortgage if you are currently earning?

Get him to speak to a proper mortgage broker and do the sums on what you can borrow. Split costs 50/50

wobytide Tue 22-May-18 08:08:38

As long as you are being named in the deeds and having equal rights I don't see a problem

Maybe he is slightly insensitive but likewise he sounds like he is being practical in that you appear to have planned for children at some point in the near term and you may not be working. At that point any remortgage will be based on his income alone(unless you are on maternity pay etc). Interest rates are likely to rise in the meantime. But if he works it out and you can remortgage on his money alone that's s good start and the practical way of looking at it. Anything you are earning at the time is a bonus.

GOODCAT Tue 22-May-18 08:17:10

No you are not unreasonable. You should discuss the practicalities now.

Will you buy it in joint names? Will you each protect the money you put in via a formal agreement between you? Do you plan to get married before you have children?

Have lots of conversations now and be clear about what how you both view it. Only proceed once you are happy you are both on the same page. Don't tie yourself up with someone who won't view it as an equal joint venture by the time you get married.

Badoukas Tue 22-May-18 08:18:26

I'm with wobytide. And well done for planning ahead and not over stretching yourselves for when the kids arrive.

Imchlibob Tue 22-May-18 08:26:40

OP there have been thousands of threads on here from women dealing with the consequences of making this same mistake. Stop.

If you are going to damage your lifetime earning potential by taking time our for raising children - you need to be married. If you are putting your money into running a house, you need to be married. This is nor just in case you split up but also in case your dp dies unexpectedly young (both of which obviously everyone hopes doesn't happen but this is the real world. Stuff happens)

Marriage isn't "just a piece of paper" it is the legal structure that ensures a more vulnerable partner is treated fairly when stuff happens. For the sake of your future children who will also be protected by marriage, go up the aisle before buying the house and before conceiving the child. It is not about the party - if you can't afford the party then postpone that bit for 5 years, 10 years, as long as you like but do not postpone the piece of paper.

There is no such thing as a common law spouse.

chocolateandredwine Tue 22-May-18 09:12:15

Thanks for all of the replies. He was saying that my savings would be paying the stamp duty/fees.

I will be paying my share whilst I'm working, we just didn't want to be struggling when we have DC hence not taking out the full mortgage we would be entitled to. He has considered repayments should the interest rate increase.

We will be getting a written agreement to protect the monies that we have put in to the initial purchase. Also as his DF is making a contribution it would ensure that he would get that back should anything happen. I haven't been on MN long and I admit that I wasn't aware of the lack of protection you get when you aren't married...MN has helped me wake up to this! It probably wasn't on our list of priorities for the time being but I will reevaluate this with him ASAP.

Hisashiburi Tue 22-May-18 21:51:17

Hi. Me again. I am replying as really want to underline the point that if you are getting something drawn up to protect what you out in then DO NOT pay all the Stampy duty or solicitors fees yourself as I believe (could be wrong) that that wouldn't count as it's not an investment in the house. You need to birth split these costs and put the rest on the house and protect it.

Imchlibob Tue 22-May-18 23:17:03

Another all too frequent fallacy:

Jack pays a £500 mortgage payment every month.

Jane pays £500 for food and bills every month.

Years down the line when the relationship falters and lo and behold the property all pretty much belongs to Jack as it was "his" money that paid for it.


Joint account. Each put your £500 in. Outgoings come out, and it's all clearly joint money.

Of course such rigmarole is less important if you have the legal protection of marriage.

NeverTwerkNaked Tue 22-May-18 23:23:57

You’re not silly to feel vulnerable.
I was married and ex still tried to claim all the equity in the house was his because just convenience I had paid all the childcare (£950/mth) and he had paid all the mortgage (£920 a month)... I had some pretty sharp words with the mediator about it and he agreed it didn’t wash but the fact is my ex’s solicitors had had a go at arguing that.

Make sure you are properly protected

MessySurfaces Wed 23-May-18 12:17:51

I think a bit of time on mumsnet will also show that marriage won't help in many many cases of blokes who want to move on with all the wealth and none of the responsibilities...
You both need assets in your own name, and in your joint names.
Especially once one of you is taking a career hit to bring up children (hint- you can BOTH go part time. It's not illegal...)

Plasebeafleabite Thu 24-May-18 05:38:42

I can’t see why it needs to be your money used for the deposit, there’s no good reason

For me, your deed of trust would need to say:

You are tenants in common

chocolate paid £x in (the amount you paid in fees and costs)

Dh paid £y in - the amount used for the deposit

These amounts gets returned when house is sold

Any further equity in house is held 50:50

Anything less than that is unfair to you

Make sure the solicitor draws this up as part of signing for the purchase

Plasebeafleabite Thu 24-May-18 05:39:20

*dp not dh sorr

squiglet111 Thu 24-May-18 06:20:38

Get the mortgage in both your names. Doesnt matter if he can afford it on just his salary. You are still contributing to the mortgage so get your name on it. Taking a few years out for having children etc does not mean that you shouldn't go on the mortgage! Just make sure you only borrow what you both can afford to repay when on mat leave etc.

Don't accept his way, this will just mean you have no entitlement to any of the property if anything were to go wrong. How about his dad's money gets used for stamp duty etc.

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