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Help on big house situation please!

(17 Posts)
Az123 Sat 02-Dec-17 19:28:11

Hi, wasn't sure where to post but have a big decision to make regarding my families housing situation and I would appreciate people's opinions. A year and a half ago me my husband decided to sell our house and move into a big house with my Mum and Dad and our 3 children. As we pooled our money together we live in a lovely big house in a lovely area we are mortage free (as a young couple with 3 small children we realise what a brilliant position we are in). All sounds lovely BUT we soon starting having friction with my parents over just about everything! The only thing that's has worked is the money side bills etc as we set up a clear plan before we moved in. We are complete opposites on everything heating, having windows open, what times we can cook in the kitchen, how late we can shower bath, when we can have tumble dryer on, who's turn it is to change bin bag etc. We are at the point where we are not speaking and avoiding each other in the house, we are utterly miserable and have tried time and time to sort things out. My husband came home the other day and found me in tears infront of the kids as I feel like I'm close to a break down. He said enough is enough and he wants to move out, we could just about afford a tiny house but still in lovely area with 2 kids sharing a room (they all have seperate rooms here) it would be tight and only able to put £200 max away a month. Where we are no mortage house all paid off and we could save £600 a month + but never do as we are constantly paying to go away holidays days out etc to get away. I've said we're mad to move because of kids and putting ourselves back on tight budget and a 25 year mortgage and we should stay and struggle on, he said happiness is worth more and he's utterly miserable here. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated as he's seen a house and wants to go for it, would it be crazy??

shushpenfold Sat 02-Dec-17 19:34:35

Hindsight is a marvellous thing. Did you have any idea as to how you might live with each other?

I’m assuming that you’re going to want to take your equity back out of the house.....how are the parents about this?

Smarshian Sat 02-Dec-17 19:38:06

Move. Don't be miserable for money. It's not worth it.

Az123 Sat 02-Dec-17 19:39:39

Hi yes we got on ok before so obviously thought a few things might come up but it has turned very sour and kids aren't even happy here yes we would take our equity, it would come out of parents savings and they are fine with this. Then they would sell up and get something much smaller when we were gone.

SleepFreeZone Sat 02-Dec-17 19:40:03

Any way you could separate your living and cooking facilities? I think this set up could work if there were two separate bathrooms and kitchens but some communal living rooms.

19lottie82 Sat 02-Dec-17 19:41:24

I agree with PP - it’s not worth your sanity and your relationship with your parents.
You need to move.

glow1984 Sat 02-Dec-17 19:41:47

Definitely move. I agree with your DH, happiness is way more important than a big house. You will have less disposable income but there are loads of things you can do cutback, or free things you can do for entertainment!

Jellybean85 Sat 02-Dec-17 19:42:33

Yes I would say try and separate and get a bit of autonomy, can you split the existing house? You all have spare money what about taking a small mortgage and building a bungalow in the garden? Any way at all to separate would help.
Would it definitely be you that had to move, can you afford to buy them out?

LevelHeading Sat 02-Dec-17 19:42:49

Is the house big enough for you to have separate living areas? Just so you get a bit of space from each other.

Az123 Sat 02-Dec-17 19:50:39

It's got lots of bedrooms but only one living room and one kitchen we have separate bathrooms. We try to stick to cooking times but with 3 small children it's hard as one might take ages to eat the thing I'm cooking that might might take longer than the allocated time etc (I've gone over my time before and had to finnish my dinner sitting on the stairs as my mum won't go in the kitchen if I'm there?) not enough garden to build and we don't have enough in house to buy them out, just enough to secure a small mortgage on a small house.

Changednamejustincase Sat 02-Dec-17 19:57:23

I would move. There isn't anything to think about. You are all miserable. Get your own small place and be happy in it.

JoJoSM2 Sat 02-Dec-17 20:54:38

Sounds like you’re on top of each other with only one living room and one kitchen. That would put a strain on any family! I would move. Your sanity is more important for you and your children than having separate bedrooms!

bimbobaggins Sat 02-Dec-17 21:45:08

I would definitely move. A long lunch is enough for me with family at times. You will be miserable if this continues. Walking on eggshells and not talking is the pits.

drspouse Sat 02-Dec-17 22:40:51

Can't you have two kitchens downstairs and living space separately upstairs?

HousefulOfBoysAndMe Sun 03-Dec-17 09:37:36

Could you not take out a mortgage and buy your parents half of the house from them? What % do you own?

realisationshock Sun 03-Dec-17 09:43:53

Definitely think separate kitchens and living spaces would solve the problems here as most of what you describe revolves around issues in these areas. Could you get two of the children to share a room to free one up that could then be a living space ? Have two kitchens downstairs ?
I’d be loathed to give up a mortgage free life so would look at other options rather than moving where possible

Az123 Sun 03-Dec-17 14:08:26

Thank you for all your help everybody me and husband are going to weigh up options and people's suggestions tonight really grateful for the input x

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