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Separated :Child Tax Credits/Benefit

(57 Posts)
softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 13:31:52

My ex and I split when my daughter(now 7) was 10 months old.
We have shared contact/residency 50/50 since then.
I have my daughter for 3 nights during school week(Fri/Sat/Sun) and more over holidays.

I earn approx £ 17.500 p.a ,my ex , who doesn't work, has always taken the whole of the credits/benefit.

We have been in mediation before which really helped with contact issues but for the past year,my ex has not wanted to attend a mediation session to discuss a fairer share of the credits/benefits saying she has no money.

My ex who has been in rented accommodation and receiving housing benefit has always claimed she needed the money due to not working.
Now,however, she has just bought an £180,000 house and is spending another £20,000 (at least) getting it done up. The money was from an inheritance from her Grandfather but had always been kept under an account of her parent's.
In addition,I know my ex has been doing cash in hand jobs and receives a £5000/year "Director's Loan" (from a company her new boyfriend owns).
I spend a lot of money on my daughter: clothes,haircuts,cinema,theatre,days out etc.. none of it begrudged
but her mum spends very little in comparison.

What would people recommend as a next step?
Thanks in advance

BackieJerkhart Fri 22-Sep-17 13:35:51

I spend a lot of money on my daughter: clothes,haircuts,cinema,theatre,days out etc.. none of it begrudged
but her mum spends very little in comparison.

So you buy all the fun stuff and get the weekends where she is relaxed with no school or homework to worry about but mum who does the donkey work during the week and buys the child's food and essentials "spends very little" hmm got ya.

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 13:59:55

Thanks for your reply.
The "essentials" such as food costs are obviously shared.
The "fun stuff" is to educate and entertain.
Perhaps I should have said very little in comparison.
I look forward to hearing more replies

FoxyinherRoxy Fri 22-Sep-17 14:06:15

So how does the custody actually work? Do you pick her up from school Friday and take her on Monday? So 3 nights, every single weekend?

Seems to me that the split distorts the childcare anyway. Her DM won't be able to do the stuff you do as she only has her on school nights.

Perhaps you could consider reviewing this, and also I'd recommend going on the website. Have a look on as well.

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 14:10:56

Hi Got
Thanks for your reply.
Yes,pick her up on Friday and take her on Monday(despite being 25 miles away and costs £15/train).
Even on holiday time,my ex does not spend on her doing other things out of the house.
My main point is am I being unfair wanting a fairer share of the credits

FoofFighter Fri 22-Sep-17 14:11:13

Resident parent claims the child benefit. She is the resident parent.

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 14:14:50

Thanks for the reply,foof.
No,we have shared residence

PixieChemist Fri 22-Sep-17 14:17:03

As others have said She is the RP and so she should claim it. It does seem unfair you get to be the fun parent whereas mum get the boring stuff - taking her to school, doing homework etc. Have you thought about reviewing your custody arrangement?

PixieChemist Fri 22-Sep-17 14:17:32

we have shared residence

But in the eyes of the law she is the RP...

FoxyinherRoxy Fri 22-Sep-17 14:21:12

Well it's not a case of 'taking' but rather a case of 'claiming'. Have a look at those website and see if you are entitled to working tax credits. If you are working full time you might not be entitled to anything though.

It doesn't strike me as a particularly fair split. As your DD gets older her weekends will be spent with her friends and you'll see less and less of her. Might be better to split the care differently now.

Benefits wise, well that's down to the system isn't it?

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 14:25:19

Thanks foxy.
My ex gets approx £260/month child tax credits and £100/month child benefit.
From my wage if I claimed I would receive nearly the same.

PixieChemist Fri 22-Sep-17 14:26:19

Slightly off-topic but are you paying her maintenance OP?

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 14:29:20

Hi Pixie
No maintenance to be paid because of shared parenting

PixieChemist Fri 22-Sep-17 14:42:14

Then I think you should count yourself lucky. Legally speaking you probably should pay maintenance as you have her less that 175 days a year.

PixieChemist Fri 22-Sep-17 14:42:29

Less than

donajimena Fri 22-Sep-17 14:45:46

My partners ex did this. Nothing you can do without a whole load of stress to yourself.

stitchglitched Fri 22-Sep-17 14:49:51

You have the whole week free to work and earn money whilst she is restricted by school hours. Then you get every weekend to do the fun stuff. Why do you want a share of her benefits? Perhaps if you start pulling your weight during the week she can increase her earning potential.

RunningOutOfCharge Fri 22-Sep-17 14:50:22

How does she explain to housing benefit how she supports herself?

No income support/Jobseeker’s Allowance?

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 14:58:00

Pixie,I do have my daughter more than 175 days a year.Approx 190 in last year.
Stich,"pulling my weight" ? I would have thought that having my daughter 50% of the time was just that.

stitchglitched Fri 22-Sep-17 15:03:25

Do you do your share of juggling school runs then? After school care, cover your daughter being off sick from school etc, to help your ex work? Because 50% doesn't really mean anything if you get to work unimpeded all week and then get the fun stuff.

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 15:08:31

stich, my ex does not want to work stating that she can't at weekends due to wanting to be with boyfriend or during week because of the drop off/pick up at school .
I can't work on a Friday because I look after my daughter.
I work/look after my daughter. That is my week.

stitchglitched Fri 22-Sep-17 15:19:01

You pick up your daughter from school on friday afternoons which means you can't work that day but your ex has to do all the other drop offs and pick ups and should be able to work around that? Do you not acknowledge this makes things restrictive for her? Still don't understand why you want to take some of her benefits.

BackieJerkhart Fri 22-Sep-17 15:20:05

50% split of time does not automatically mean doing your fair share. At the minute you're a weekend dad. You have a pretty sweet deal tbh. You get all week to work as much as you want, no childcare to organise, pay for, and ferry too and from. No school runs, no homework or extra curriculars to manage. No costumes to pull together for world book day, no green stuff to produce for the green table, no titanics to build for the term project and no maintenance to pay, but you get every weekend to spend at your leisure taking her to the theatre and cinema etc and throw back in her mother's face that she doesn't take her anywhere fun.

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 15:24:12

I do believe that there is such a thing as working mums too.
However,my ex has made it clear she does not intend to work.
Of course I do acknowledge difficulties in fitting work around child care.
I appreciate your views.
What do you think of the ability to buy a new house having claimed housing benefit for so long despite having her inheritance?

softfocus Fri 22-Sep-17 15:29:23

Hi Backie
My point,homework and projects for school are done with me too.
Costumes are always done by me too.
Maintenance is not applicable because of my low pay and shared parenting.
During school holidays,mum never takes daughter to paid things such as cinema etc...she has never paid for a haircut etc..

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