Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. Free legal advice is available from a Citizen's Advice Bureau, and the Law Society can supply a list of local solicitors.

If you share finances ( I.e no your and my money), how do you do treats for DP?

(18 Posts)
BedmonsterSlayer Fri 07-Jul-17 19:12:51

So my wife and I share finances and she earns a fair chunk more than me.

Not cos I have made sacrifices for our kids, just cos she is better at her job and more highly paid.

So if you share finances, and have one partner earning more, how do you buy treats for them ?

E.g. I might see nice skirt for her , or a book she would like, or even just flowers or similar. But if I buy them I am essentially spending her money for her !

Cos yes it's family money but these aren't essentials, they are fripperies that we don't need. So if she wanted them she could just buy them herself !

So I end up feeling guilty for trying to buy her fun treats.

Any help or guidance?

I thank thee in advance.

Ginmakesitallok Fri 07-Jul-17 19:14:19

Just get it for her!

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts Fri 07-Jul-17 19:15:19

We have shared money and then an amount every month (the same for each of us) which is for spending how we like, so clothes, gadgets, gifts etc.

NellieFiveBellies Fri 07-Jul-17 19:15:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ecureuil Fri 07-Jul-17 19:19:04

We just buy them. I'm a SAHM so have a joint account, but I still buy DH treats from it. As long as the money is there he's happy to be bought things that he wouldn't necessarily buy himself.

BedmonsterSlayer Fri 07-Jul-17 19:34:42


A pretty uniform response there.

CoverYourKneesUp Sat 08-Jul-17 17:36:22

It's the thought that is the real gift! We share finances as I'm a SAHM and a gift is still from me even if I didn't make the money that bought it.

TwoBlueFish Sat 08-Jul-17 17:40:21

Definitely just buy them. We each have our own credit card (paid for out of the joint account) so I make sure I use that if I'm buying a present for DH so at least he doesn't know the cost.

ElspethFlashman Sat 08-Jul-17 17:48:34

We have a joint account for bills, car tax and insurance, groceries and anything thats "household" (dinners out are included in this cos it benefits both of us).

Then we each have our own private current accounts. Most of our salaries proportional to income goes in the joint account but we each keep aside the remainder for our private account. Presents come out of that account so the other person has no visibility of the cost.

I prefer it to a "one pot" system cos you have a bit of privacy for your silly treats.

pigeondujour Sat 08-Jul-17 17:51:10

Agreed. It's SO much nicer getting anything as a present than for yourself. I suppose it's the same reasoning that some people wrap stuff like toothpaste and underwear as stocking presents round Christmas time for their kids even though they'd have bought them anyway.

somewhereovertherain Sun 09-Jul-17 06:09:43

Would agree it's the thought that counts. Family money is family money in my eyes so Please treat her

Wooooo Sun 09-Jul-17 10:09:17

I've never heard of people putting toothpaste in a Christmas stocking. confused

Definitely just treat your wife. What matters is the thought that has gone into choosing something you think she will like.

WineAndTiramisu Wed 12-Jul-17 08:43:19

We do it so that we keep the same amount of money each month in our separate accounts, and the rest goes into joint, so we have the same amount of fun money, no matter who earns more.

Ta1kinPeace Wed 12-Jul-17 08:46:30

Just buy them
I do all of our accounts so DH buys my pressies in cash so I do not know the cost !

sundaysurfer Wed 12-Jul-17 09:17:55

We share all finances and I am the major (currently only) earner. I love it when my DH buys me something. It's that simple; don't overthink it.

cakesandphotos Wed 12-Jul-17 09:21:25

I just buy things. Although we share money and DH pays in more than I do, he wouldn't necessarily buy those things for himself. And at birthdays and Christmas we have a rule that we can look at the bank statement but we can't look at the individual purchases

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 12-Jul-17 16:25:06

We just buy them for each other. Big surprise things we put it on the credit card so the other person doesn't see it until afterwards.

But if buying treats with money your wife has earned bothers you, then you could do stuff as a treat; breakfast in bed, a nice foot massage, running a lovely bubble bath and bringing her a glass of wine are all treats.

phoenixtherabbit Wed 12-Jul-17 16:27:41

We have shared money and generally if we want to buy each other something we transfer money out the joint account and buy it (transfer so you can't see what shop etc so it stays a surprise not that dp ever looks at the joint account) or take it out of our wage before we put it in the joint account generally!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: